10 People Trump Is Sending To The Reopened Alcatraz
With the whole nation abuzz with President Trump’s proposal to reopen and expand Alcatraz, it’s worth asking who, exactly, would…
Category: Babylon Bee
Democrats Offer Illegal Immigrants $1,001 To Stay In US
U.S. — In response to President Donald Trump‘s offer to give illegal immigrants $1000 in exchange for deporting themselves, Democrats…
Newly Discovered Mosaic Law Required Israelites To Separate Themselves From Android Users
SINAI — Scholars marveled at the revelation of what was described as a long-hidden passage of religious text, as a…
Nation Takes Somber ‘May The 4th’ To Remember Deceased Star Wars Franchise
U.S. — Fans reportedly took time on “May the 4th” for silent reflection, somberly remembering the now deceased Star Wars…
Trump To Expand Alcatraz By Putting Up Fence Around San Francisco
U.S. — A new era of dealing with depraved lawbreakers dawned today, as President Donald Trump vowed to reopen and…
New, Improved Hymnals To Include Silly Songs With Larry
U.S. — The Baptist Church has released a new, improved hymnal which contains all of the Silly Songs sung by…
Chipotle Announces Plans To Get Even Worse
NEWPORT BEACH, CA — Chipotle executives unveiled plans today for the restaurant chain to somehow get even worse. Read MoreBabylon…
Bill Belichick’s Girlfriend Leaves Him For Lou Holtz
CHAPEL HILL, NC — Sources close to Jordon Hudson confirmed today that the 24-year-old has officially dumped Bill Belichick for…
Conductor Asks Congregation To Stop Yelling ‘Freebird!’ During Handbell Performance
FORT WAYNE, IN — Handbell choir conductor Matthew Grey was recently forced to ask the congregation to stop yelling “FREEBIRD!”…
Dems Update Statue Of Liberty To Say ‘Give Me Your Wife Beaters’
U.S. — Democrats have updated the famous “New Colossus” poem on the Statue of Liberty to simply read, “Give us…