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Category: Babylon Bee

America Starting To Think This ‘Joe Biden’ Guy Might Be A Liar
Babylon Bee

America Starting To Think This ‘Joe Biden’ Guy Might Be A Liar

December 2, 2024

U.S. — Americans started to get the sense today that perhaps this “Joe Biden” fellow might not always tell the…

FBI Warns Kash Appointment Could Jeopardize Efforts To Not Release Epstein List
Babylon Bee

FBI Warns Kash Appointment Could Jeopardize Efforts To Not Release Epstein List

December 1, 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Officials within the FBI have warned that naming Kash Patel director of the Bureau could seriously undermine…

Trump Renews Relations With Castro Regime
Babylon Bee

Trump Renews Relations With Castro Regime

December 1, 2024

MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a surprise move, President-elect Donald Trump has already moved re-establish relations with the notorious Castro regime.…

Well-Adjusted Adult Man Pins Emotional State For Next Three Days On 19-Year-Old Kicking Oblong Ball Between Sticks
Babylon Bee

Well-Adjusted Adult Man Pins Emotional State For Next Three Days On 19-Year-Old Kicking Oblong Ball Between Sticks

November 30, 2024

DAYTON, OH — A grown, adult male generally regarded as mentally sound pinned his entire emotional well-being for the next…

Man Torn Between Burning His Eyeballs With Old Timey Car Cigarette Lighter And Watching ‘Love, Actually’
Babylon Bee

Man Torn Between Burning His Eyeballs With Old Timey Car Cigarette Lighter And Watching ‘Love, Actually’

November 30, 2024

NORFOLK, VA — Local man Jason Thompson pondered heavily this morning whether to burn his eyeballs with an old car…

In Huge Black Friday Deal, Dyson Vacuum On Sale For Just $7,000
Babylon Bee

In Huge Black Friday Deal, Dyson Vacuum On Sale For Just $7,000

November 29, 2024

CHICAGO, IL — Consumers across America were shocked and elated to land huge deals after finding out Dyson vacuums would…

Are You An Alcoholic? Look For These Warning Signs
Babylon Bee

Are You An Alcoholic? Look For These Warning Signs

November 28, 2024

Alcoholism is a dangerous condition affecting millions across the United States each and every year, from the poorest among us…

Man Does His Part To Prepare For Thanksgiving By Not Going Into Kitchen So He Won’t Be In The Way
Babylon Bee

Man Does His Part To Prepare For Thanksgiving By Not Going Into Kitchen So He Won’t Be In The Way

November 28, 2024

GREEN VALLEY LAKE, CA — Local man Landon Collings, 45, heroically volunteered to do the most important part of Thanksgiving…

‘Don’t Let Anyone Take Your Power,’ Tipsy Aunt Kamala Tells Confused Five-Year-Olds at Thanksgiving Kids’ Table
Babylon Bee

‘Don’t Let Anyone Take Your Power,’ Tipsy Aunt Kamala Tells Confused Five-Year-Olds at Thanksgiving Kids’ Table

November 28, 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Children sitting at the kids’ table during Kamala Harris’s family Thankgiving dinner were confused and “a little…

Southern Wife Arrested For Failing To Serve Drinks In Mason Jars
Babylon Bee

Southern Wife Arrested For Failing To Serve Drinks In Mason Jars

November 27, 2024

OXFORD, MS — The Thanksgiving week turned ugly for one local family, as a southern wife was arrested and booked…

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