‘We’re Doing Great, Aren’t We Mr. Friskers,’ Mutters Masked Taylor Lorenz Petting Antique Taxidermied Cat
LOS ANGELES, CA — Journalist and pandemic enthusiast Taylor Lorenz quietly stroked her dead stuffed cat this week and reassured…
Category: Babylon Bee
Trump FBI Director Pick Kash Patel Vows To Keep Both Eyes Wide Open For Deep State Conspiracies
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an announcement that has raised eyebrows around the nation, Kash Patel recently promised the American public…
Scientists Posit Theoretical Existence Of ‘Hootie And The Blowfish’ Fan Somewhere In The Universe
U.S. — Researchers with the National Institute of Science are now positing the theoretical existence of a Hootie and the…
Juan Soto Retires From Professional Baseball To Play For The New York Mets
NEW YORK, NY — The sweepstakes to land free agent Juan Soto came to a surprising end, as the star…
Life Hack: You Can Avoid Wokeness In Video Games By Just Playing Ninja Golf On The Atari 7800
U.S. — Millions of gamers are discovering a new life hack where you can avoid wokeness in video games simply…
Biden Cancels Aid To Syria After Finding Out Some Needy Americans Live There
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden has reportedly canceled $1 billion of foreign aid for war-torn Syria after learning some of…
Inflatable Snowman Begins To Wonder What The Point Of Existence Even Is
SAN BERNADINO, CA — Laying in a misshapen heap amidst a pile of decorative rocks, a local inflatable snowman began…
Morpheus Offers 40-Year-Old Man Ibuprofen Or Pepto-Bismol
UNKNOWN LOCATION — The infamous hacker known as Morpheus reportedly encountered a desperate 40-year-old, where he offered the man the…
Jumping The Shark? Hallmark Releases Christmas Movie SET IN SPACE
U.S. — Concerns have arisen that the Hallmark Channel has finally exhausted its supply of movie plots after the network…