Mamdani Offers To Cool New Yorkers Down By Sending Them To Siberian Gulag
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani asked New Yorkers weathering the heatwave to keep their thermostats at a…
Category: Babylon Bee
Meet 7 Brave Trans Athletes Whose Dreams Were Crushed By The SCOTUS Ruling
Before the United States Supreme Court handed down its ruling that effectively banned trans athletes from competing in women’s…
Rape Gang Busted In The UK For Illegal Air Conditioner Use
LONDON — A rape gang was busted Wednesday after British police received an anonymous tip that they’d been illegally…
Supergirl Unveils New Superpower Of Losing $100 Million In A Single Week
METROPOLIS — The public was once again amazed by one of its heroes in recent days, as Supergirl unveiled…
Winning! Trump Now Rules Entire World As Supreme Court Declares Everyone Is American
U.S. — People around the world celebrated the establishment of a new supreme leader, as President Donald Trump was…
Trump Announces $1 Trillion Project To Clone Clarence Thomas
WASHINTGON, D.C. — In the wake of yesterday’s Supreme Court rulings, President Trump has announces a $1 trillion initiative…
SCOTUS Rules Invading Xenomorphs Who Hatch On Earth Are Officially Citizens Of Earth
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another surprising decision that divided public opinion, the United States Supreme Court ruled that…
American Missionaries Dispatched To Europe To Spread The Good News About Air Conditioning
BRANDENBURG — Missionaries from the greatest country on earth were seen going door to door throughout Europe, spreading the…
Ranch Dressing Futures Skyrocket To $120 Per Barrel
NEW YORK, NY — Ranch dressing futures skyrocketed to an unprecedented $120 a barrel on the New York Stock…
Supreme Court Rules Any Baby Born At Olive Garden Is An Italian Citizen
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a narrow 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that any baby born…