Massachusetts Legalizes Abortion Up Until Kindergarten
BOSTON, MA — Governor Maura Healey signed into law House Bill 5595 this morning, legalizing abortion in the state…
Category: Babylon Bee
Xenomorph Queen Freezes Eggs
ARCHERON (LV-426) — A grotesque creature scientists identified as a Xenomorph Queen reportedly elected to freeze its eggs until…
Democrats Announce You Aren’t Allowed To Remember What They Did A Few Years Ago
U.S. — The Democratic Party announced on Tuesday that U.S. citizens were not allowed to remember all those things…
Man Exhausted After Long Day Of Typing Stuff Into ChatGPT
MANCHESTER, NH — Local man Stephen Barnes returned home from work early Monday evening, exhausted after a long day…
Scientists Hard At Work Making IPhone Weather App Even Less Accurate
U.S. — The general public breathed a sigh of relief on Monday after it was revealed that a team…
40-Year-Old Man Still Chasing High Of Seeing Cards Bounce Around Screen After Winning Solitaire
PLAINVIEW, TX — Local 40-year-old man Ben Gantry admitted that he had spent the past three decades chasing the…
Unscriptural Hymn Unfortunately A Banger
IRVINE, CA — The elders of the United Reformed Church of Irvine made the devastating discovery Sunday that an…
Report: White People Completely Unaffected By Jalapeño Recall
U.S. — A new report confirmed that white people remained totally unaffected after a massive recall was issued across…
Inspired By AOC, James Talarico Also Elects To Have His Eggs Frozen
AUSTIN, TX — Senate candidate James Talarico announced on Monday morning that he would be following in the inspiring…
Bigotry Rears Ugly Head As WNBA Refuses To Allow This Stunning, Beautiful Woman Into League
U.S. — In a disgusting act of appalling bigotry, the WNBA is refusing to allow a stunning, beautiful woman…