Olympics Bans All Balls From Women’s Sports
LAUSANNE — In a landmark statement intended to simultaneously clarify lingering questions regarding trans athletes in events and prevent…
Category: Babylon Bee
Man Unsure If What’s Missing In His Life Is Jesus Or Really Cool Jacket
CROMWELL, CT — On a chilly spring morning, local man Jim Harbor reportedly paused to consider whether what he…
7 Ways To Toughen Up Your Wimpy Kid
Kids these days. They’re pushovers. Back in the old days, every kid knew how to work, fight, and smoke…
Guy Who Pushed Over Reacher’s Motorcycle Announces Plan To Shoot John Wick’s Dog
BRENTWOOD, TN — The man who pushed over Jack Reacher’s motorcycle and was subsequently pounded into the ground has…
Local Couple Enjoys Romantic Two-Week Honeymoon In TSA Line
HOUSTON, TX — Local newlyweds Brandon and Amelia Stockwell reported having the time of their lives during a romantic…
Chicago White Sox Improve Playoff Chances By Switching To WNBA
CHICAGO, IL — In the wake of two historically bad seasons, the owner of the Chicago White Sox has…
Quadruple Amputee Cornhole Champion Claims It Was A Different Quadruple Amputee Cornhole Champion Who Shot That Guy
LA PLATA, MD — The alleged perpetrator of a violent crime publicly voiced his innocence in what he said…
DEAL ALERT: Save Big On A 20-Pound Weighted Vest By Just Gaining 20 Pounds
Looking to expand your personal gym, but low on cash? Instead of spending money on a 20-pound weighted vest,…
Man Finally Admits To Gambling Problem After Placing Bet On Women’s Basketball
ANN ARBOR, MI — Local sports fan Adam Cartwright was finally forced to admit to himself that he had…
Airport Wait Times Eliminated After TSA Checkpoints Taken Over By Chick-Fil-A
U.S. — Chick-fil-A employees began taking over TSA duties at the beginning of the week, and airline passengers noted…