John Bolton Pleads Guilty To Failing To Store His Stolen Classified Documents In His Garage
U.S. — Former National Security Advisor John Bolton pleaded guilty in federal court this morning for failing to store…
Category: Babylon Bee
New ‘Communist Catan’ Expansion Set Just Makes Players All Wait Their Turn For Grain
U.S. — A new “Communist Catan” expansion pack for the popular board game will have players just sit and…
Caitlin Clark Returns To The Court In New Uniform
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — WNBA star Caitlin Clark returned to the basketball court today sporting a slightly modified team uniform.…
Weakling French Declare ‘Hottest Day Ever’ When It’s Only 40 Degrees
PARIS — The weakling French population dramatically declared that today was “the hottest in history” despite local forecasts showing…
All Of Man’s Trauma In Adulthood Can Be Traced Back To Watching ‘The Secret Of NIMH’ As A Child
SAN JOSE, CA — After years of therapy, a local man finally achieved a major breakthrough in determining the…
Man Struggling To Reconcile Existence Of Loving God With Fact He Never Got To Be Contestant On ‘Legends Of The Hidden Temple’
LEVERETT, MA — A local man suffered a crisis of faith Wednesday after struggling to reconcile his belief in…
Video Review Confirms Soccer Player A Little Wuss
ARLINGTON, TX — After video review, a soccer player has been confirmed to be a total wuss. ARLINGTON, TX…
The Most Common Cause Of Death In Each Of The 50 States
A decades-long study by the CDC concluded that each American state bears its own unique cause of death. A…
Rockies Ask Girl Scout Who Threw Out First Pitch If She Can Go 9 Innings Tonight
DENVER, CO — Struggling to find alternative options on the mound that could potentially give the team a better…
New Yorkers Excited To See How Never-Before-Tried Government Called ‘Socialism’ Turns Out
NEW YORK, NY — Citizens of New York are reportedly excited to see how this brand-new, never-before-tried system of…