Ranch Dressing Futures Skyrocket To $120 Per Barrel
NEW YORK, NY — Ranch dressing futures skyrocketed to an unprecedented $120 a barrel on the New York Stock…
Category: Babylon Bee
Supreme Court Rules Any Baby Born At Olive Garden Is An Italian Citizen
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a narrow 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that any baby born…
In Most Exciting Moment In History Of WNBA, Woman Points At Other Woman
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – In the most thrilling moment in all of WNBA history, one woman pointed at another woman.…
Local Church Under Fire For ‘Book Of Judges’ VBS Theme
MARBLE FALLS, TX — A local church found itself under fire this week after this year’s Vacation Bible School…
Kansas City Royals Somehow Find Way To Lose On Day When They Didn’t Play
KANSAS CITY, MO — In an achievement unprecedented in the history of Major League Baseball, the Kansas City Royals…
National Weather Service Announces Everyone Is Going To Die Tonight Or Absolutely Nothing Is Going To Happen, One Of The Two
SILVER SPRING, MD — The National Weather Service issued a weather alert on Monday announcing that tonight, everyone is…
7 Tips For Europeans To Stay Cool Without Air Conditioning
Europeans typically do without air conditioning, presumably because they are perpetually stuck in the Dark Ages and far more…
Woman Rules It’s Okay To Be Late
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A woman judge has ruled that being late is “totally fine.” Read More FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated…
Pope Gently Tells Michelangelo He Really Wanted Ceiling To Be More Of A Neutral Gray
VATICAN CITY — After four years of painstaking labor creating thousands of square feet of breathtaking frescoes, Michelangelo at…
Gavin Newsom Fires Up ChatGPT To Find Out What His Political Positions Should Be This Week
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom opened up his laptop and fired up ChatGPT this morning to find out…