Indians Politely Decline Taste Of Pilgrims’ World-Famous Homemade Smallpox Casserole
PLYMOUTH COLONY — The world’s first Thanksgiving holiday reportedly ended with hurt feelings as the local natives appeared to…
Category: Babylon Bee
Trump’s Strategy Of Hiring Lawyers Based On Bust Size Not Working As Well As Anticipated
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump’s seemingly bulletproof strategy of choosing lawyers exclusively based on bust size has not worked…
Mall Santa Prepares For Seasonal Gig By Cutting Off Ankle Monitor
BLOOMINGTON, MN — With Thanksgiving nearly here, local man Chad Erickson was reportedly eager to get back to his…
Experts Say AI Could Replace The Jobs Of Not Only Humans, But Also Lawyers
A startling new study says Artificial Intelligence may be close to replacing many jobs for humans, and many jobs…
Radio Turned Off Once Again As ‘Santa Baby’ Comes On For The 5th Time This Hour
TULSA, OK — According to sources, the car radio was switched off after beloved but massively overplayed Christmas song…
Nice Day Outdoors Drinking With The Boys Keeps Getting Interrupted By Having To Hit Little White Ball
SAN DIEGO, CA — What had started out as a perfectly enjoyable outing with friends turned sour today, as…
Jesus Heals Demon-Possessed Man By Taking Away His Smartphone
CAPERNAUM — Residents of several nearby villages were abuzz with excitement this week, as the traveling carpenter-turned-teacher Jesus of…
10 More Groups Trump Is Designating As Terrorist Organizations
The Muslim Brotherhood was officially designated a terrorist organization by the Trump administration, but they weren’t the only ones.…
Shire Doctors Link High Cancer Rate To Use Of Pipeweed
MICHEL DELVING — According to the Gaffer, medical professionals published a paper linking the high rate of cancer among…
Chicago Kicks Off Holiday Season By Unveiling Festive Red And Green Crime-Scene Tape
CHICAGO, IL — Residents of the Windy City noticed that it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas…