First Grader Anxiously Awaits Turn To Butcher ‘Für Elise’
GREENSBORO, NC — A local mother and father joined the crowd gathered for another round of musical recital performances…
Category: Babylon Bee
Rockstar Announces ‘GTA 6’ Is Now Available And Oh No There’s The Trumpet Of God And The World Is Ending!
NEW YORK, NY — In a reversal of yesterday’s announcement, Rockstar Games revealed that the hotly anticipated Grand Theft…
Mamdani Dethrones Gavin Newsom As U-Haul’s Top Salesman
PHOENIX, AZ — New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani has officially been named this year’s top U-Haul salesman, ending…
Liberals Trying To Remember What They Were Mad About Last Week
U.S. — According to sources, American liberals across the country were struggling to remember what they were so mad…
Email Does Not Find Man Well
DENVER, CO — Sad reports indicated that a work email sent to a local man on Friday morning did…
Man Can’t Wait To Be Disappointed By His Favorite Baseball Team’s Offseason Moves
KANSAS CITY, MO — With the conclusion of the World Series, the Major League Baseball season had officially come…
Mamdani Assures New Yorkers There’s No Problem Too Large For Government To Make Worse
NEW YORK, NY — In a celebratory speech following his historic win in New York City’s mayoral election, Mayor-elect…
Nancy Pelosi Prepares For Sad Future Of Outsider Trading
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the announcement that she was finally retiring from the U.S. Congress and would not seek…
9 Best Times To Interrupt Whatever Your Husband Is Doing To Tell A Long Story
Ladies, sometimes you just have to tell your husband a really long, meandering story involving people he doesn’t really…
Mayor McCheese Reelected For 60th Straight Term
MCDONALDLAND — Beloved politician and civil servant Mayor McCheese has won reelection as Mayor of McDonaldland for an astounding…