Travis Kelce Finally Acquires Ring Without Help Of Referees
U.S. — Travis Kelce, long-time tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs, has finally acquired an expensive ring without the…
Category: Babylon Bee
Genius Trump Enacts Plan To Dumb Down Chinese Population By Inviting Them To Attend American Universities
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another genius move designed to weaken a rival nation, President Donald Trump enacted a plan…
Mayorship Of New York To Be Awarded To First Candidate Who Can Bench Press The Bar
NEW YORK CITY — New York City has moved to adopt a new system whereby the mayorship will be awarded…
Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Cracker Barrel Logo Change
KABUL — In a newly released video, the terrorist group Al-Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the changing of the Cracker…
‘No, I Didn’t Eat Any Of That Walmart Shrimp,’ Says Husband Glowing Neon Green
TUCSON, AZ — Local husband Ryan Masterson denied having consumed any radioactive Walmart shrimp, though his wife had her doubts…
Meet Hannah, The New Fully Clothed And Chaste A.I. Assistant From The Babylon Bee
Unsure about which of the myriad A.I. assistants out there is right for you? Try Hannah, the new fully clothed…
Announcement: The Bee Is Excited To Unveil Our New Logo
U.S. — Times change, and we must change with them. That was the philosophy that prompted us to update our…
God Agrees To Let Trump Into Heaven If He Repents Of His Sin And Trusts In Jesus Christ Alone For Salvation
HEAVEN — Celestial sources report that in response to hearing of President Trump’s hopes for getting into heaven, God has…
Chuck Schumer Said He’s Never Felt In Danger Walking In DC And Neither Have His Ten Bodyguards
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer disagreed with the president’s assessment of D.C., saying he’s never once felt…
Metropolis Sues Superman For Reducing Crime
METROPOLIS — A new scandal threatened to arise between governing officials and Earth’s greatest superhero, as Metropolis sued Superman for…