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Category: Elephant Reads CNN

More House Republicans Suddenly Remember They Wanted to Be Governors After All That Toxic Air
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

More House Republicans Suddenly Remember They Wanted to Be Governors After All That Toxic Air

Big ElephantDecember 25, 2025December 25, 2025

Washington, D.C. – In a stunning turn of events, Republican lawmakers are fleeing the Capitol like rats from a sinking…

Annual Christmas Eve jazz concert canceled after Trump’s name installed on Kennedy Center like a cursed artifact from a bad reality show
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Annual Christmas Eve jazz concert canceled after Trump’s name installed on Kennedy Center like a cursed artifact from a bad reality show

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 25, 2025

Trump Kennedy Center Jazz Jam Axed by Crybabies Who Can’t Handle a Little Patriotism In a stunning display of liberal…

5 Things to Know for Dec. 24: Epstein Files, National Guard, Nursing Home Explosion, Student Loans, Weight Loss Drugs | CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

5 Things to Know for Dec. 24: Epstein Files, National Guard, Nursing Home Explosion, Student Loans, Weight Loss Drugs | CNN

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Leftist Deep State Drops Another Batch of Epstein Files, and Guess Who’s Mentioned 47 Times? (Hint: It’s the Orange Man)…

Suspect in National Guard Shooting Gets a Shiny New Federal Upgrade Package That Includes Death Penalty Perks
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Suspect in National Guard Shooting Gets a Shiny New Federal Upgrade Package That Includes Death Penalty Perks

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Another Day, Another Democrat-Backed National Guard Shooting: How Do You Like Your Sanctuary Cities Now? Another day, another Democrat-backed National…

Word of the Week: ‘Wassail’ your way through winter like a medieval party animal | CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Word of the Week: ‘Wassail’ your way through winter like a medieval party animal | CNN

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Wassailing: The Left’s Latest Weapon in the War Against Christmas and Apple Farmers In a shocking turn of events that…

Blue States Throw Tantrum Over HHS Plan to Stop Hospitals from Giving Kids Gender-Affirming Care
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Blue States Throw Tantrum Over HHS Plan to Stop Hospitals from Giving Kids Gender-Affirming Care

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Leftist States Launch Latest Attack on Trump’s Common Sense Transgender Policy In a stunning display of bureaucratic overreach, 18 Democrat-run…

Federal Judge Tells Trump Admin to Stop Hoarding Disaster Cash From Blue States
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Federal Judge Tells Trump Admin to Stop Hoarding Disaster Cash From Blue States

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Leftist Sanctuary States Cry Over $233 Million in Cut Federal Funds – Judge McElroy Plays Savior Again In a stunning…

Hollywood Minute: Taylor Swift Spends $1 Million on Food Banks Because Apparently Bribing the Grammys Wasn’t Enough
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Hollywood Minute: Taylor Swift Spends $1 Million on Food Banks Because Apparently Bribing the Grammys Wasn’t Enough

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Another Day, Another Million: Taylor Swift’s Communist Cash Flood Keeps Flowing While America Starves for Freedom In a stunning display…

California Farmer Thought Wife Was Just Another Crop to Harvest, Gets Arrested for Murder in Arizona
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

California Farmer Thought Wife Was Just Another Crop to Harvest, Gets Arrested for Murder in Arizona

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

California Farmer Arrested for Murdering Estranged Wife in Arizona — Because Nothing Says ‘Climate Crisis’ Like a Dead Farmer In…

The Feds Are Investigating Campus Safety After a Mass Shooting Because Apparently That’s the Time to Figure Out Guns Are Bad
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Feds Are Investigating Campus Safety After a Mass Shooting Because Apparently That’s the Time to Figure Out Guns Are Bad

Big ElephantDecember 23, 2025December 23, 2025

Woke Ivy League Meltdown: Brown University’s Security is as Soft as Their Marxist Curriculum After Latest Campus Massacre In a…

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Latest posts

  • Backrooms Explained Because You Clearly Need Your Hand Held Through a Bunch of Empty Rooms and Confusing Theories and Also Whats Up with That Async Thingy and Dont Even Get Me Started on the Ending
  • CHARLIE BENANTE Obviously The Real Brain Behind PANTERA Hopes To Bless The World With More PANTERA Music Because Lets Be Real He’s The Only One Who Actually Mattered Anyway
  • Finally a book returns home after a century of socialist neglect somehow
  • Liberal flight attendant finally quits after 66 years of subsidies
  • Patriots clash with lib losers at NJ ICE facility standoff

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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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