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Category: Breaking

White House Security at Stake Because Someone Dared to Stop Trump’s Ballroom Construction
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

White House Security at Stake Because Someone Dared to Stop Trump’s Ballroom Construction

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Trump’s Secret Service Warns: Pausing White House Ballroom Construction Will “Harm National Security” While Democrats Cry About “Historic Preservation” In…

Ubisoft Declares War on Its Own Players With Wildcards Siege Mode Because Suffering Is the New DLC
Breaking, Games News

Ubisoft Declares War on Its Own Players With Wildcards Siege Mode Because Suffering Is the New DLC

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Rainbow Six Siege is turning 10 and Ubisoft decided to throw a rave with rule changes instead of…

Son of Rob Reiner Arrested for Murder: Turns Out Being a Director Doesn’t Guarantee Script Approval From the Law
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Son of Rob Reiner Arrested for Murder: Turns Out Being a Director Doesn’t Guarantee Script Approval From the Law

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Leftist Hollywood Elites Rob Reiner and Wife Found Slain – Son Arrested in Shocking Case of Artistic Family Collapse In…

Capcom Finally Remembers These Resident Evil Games Exist
Breaking, Games News

Capcom Finally Remembers These Resident Evil Games Exist

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Capcom Is Apparently Rebooting Your Childhood Trauma—Again—With Resident Evil Code Veronica & Zero Remakes!🎉 😱 In a shocking twist…

Uncle Sam Finally Identifies the Guys Who Signed Up for Adventure but Got Ambushed in Syria Instead
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Uncle Sam Finally Identifies the Guys Who Signed Up for Adventure but Got Ambushed in Syria Instead

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

The two US Army soldiers killed in Syria on Saturday were Sgt. Edgar Brian Torres Tovar, 25, of Des Moines,…

US Government Forms Tech Force to Recruit AI Wizards and Nerds
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Government Forms Tech Force to Recruit AI Wizards and Nerds

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Government’s Latest AI Initiative: Hiring Tech Bro’s to Fix the Bureaucracy In a stunning revelation, the Trump administration has launched…

The Reiners’ Kid Nick Gets a Mystery Felony Upgrade Right After Mom and Dad Checked Out
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Reiners’ Kid Nick Gets a Mystery Felony Upgrade Right After Mom and Dad Checked Out

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

American Horror Story: Brentwood Edition – Another Hollywood Elite Dies Under Mysterious Circumstances, and the Plot Thickens! Well, well, well,…

FBI Interrupts California New Year’s Eve Bash by Arresting Four Guys With Poor Fireworks Plans
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

FBI Interrupts California New Year’s Eve Bash by Arresting Four Guys With Poor Fireworks Plans

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Leftist Eco-Terrorists Foiled in Bizarre New Year’s Eve Bomb Plot Because of Their Oppressive Signal App In another stunning victory…

Bob Odenkirk Gets Weird in Ben Wheatley’s So-Called ‘Normal’ (Spoiler: It’s Not
Breaking, Movie News

Bob Odenkirk Gets Weird in Ben Wheatley’s So-Called ‘Normal’ (Spoiler: It’s Not

FinnDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Bob Odenkirk, the man who once played a lawyer so morally compromised he made used car salesmen look like…

Stranger Things 5 – Volume 2 Trailer Drops and the Kids Haven’t Grown Up Yet
Breaking, Movie News

Stranger Things 5 – Volume 2 Trailer Drops and the Kids Haven’t Grown Up Yet

FinnDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: The World Might End on Boxing Day, So Cancel Your Sales! 🚨 In a shocking turn of…

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Editorial
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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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