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Category: Breaking

Nation’s Iconic Reflecting Pool Takes Brief Vacation
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Nation’s Iconic Reflecting Pool Takes Brief Vacation

Big ElephantJuly 14, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. So, it seems the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool has been drained…

RuneScape dusts off player housing with fresh coat of monetization paint
Breaking, Games News

RuneScape dusts off player housing with fresh coat of monetization paint

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 13, 2026

It’s time to get this pixel party started, and what better way to do it than with a healthy dose…

Alex Skolnick Thinks Angus Young Is Good Or Something
Breaking, Music News

Alex Skolnick Thinks Angus Young Is Good Or Something

Chord F. DiscordJuly 13, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some seriously mind-blowing news? 🤯 I just found out that Alex Skolnick, the…

Floor Jansen Ditches Symphonic Stuff For Actual Metal Because You Begged Her To
Breaking, Music News

Floor Jansen Ditches Symphonic Stuff For Actual Metal Because You Begged Her To

Chord F. DiscordJuly 13, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤩 NIGHTWISH singer Floor Jansen just dropped a new solo…

Because The Original Wasnt Traumatizing Enough For Modern Audiences
Breaking, Movie News

Because The Original Wasnt Traumatizing Enough For Modern Audiences

FinnJuly 13, 2026

Paramount has secured the rights to the original screenplay of A Nightmare on Elm Street, the classic ’80s slasher film…

GOP Leaders Suddenly Experts On Conspiracy Theories They Used To Mock
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Leaders Suddenly Experts On Conspiracy Theories They Used To Mock

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like some prominent figures in the conservative and MAGA…

Tom Cruise’s Digger gets October 2 release date because Hollywood needs more egos
Breaking, Movie News

Tom Cruise’s Digger gets October 2 release date because Hollywood needs more egos

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 13, 2026

Get ready for the most explosive, potentially disastrous film of the year – Digger, starring the one and only Tom…

MSI peddles adorably overpriced router for the perpetually paranoid gamer
Breaking, Games News

MSI peddles adorably overpriced router for the perpetually paranoid gamer

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 13, 2026

In a world where our internet connection is more reliable than our significant others, it’s a wonder we still tolerate…

Alters sequel reboots with fresh lore and variables to inevitably disappoint fans
Breaking, Games News

Alters sequel reboots with fresh lore and variables to inevitably disappoint fans

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 13, 2026

Get ready to embark on a thrilling adventure with Jan Scientist and his trusty team of Alters as they explore…

Trump Somehow Manages Not To Veto Russia Sanctions This Time
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Somehow Manages Not To Veto Russia Sanctions This Time

Big ElephantJuly 13, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one – it seems President Donald Trump is going to support a…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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