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Category: Breaking

Trump’s ICE Airport Adventure: Pay Up or Get Kicked Out!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s ICE Airport Adventure: Pay Up or Get Kicked Out!

Big ElephantMarch 22, 2026March 22, 2026

President Trump’s Airport Crackdown: ICE Agents to Patrol Security Lines as Shutdown Continues In a bold move that has liberal…

SIX FEET UNDER’s JACK OWEN: CHRIS BARNES Is ‘Very Approachable’ And ‘Very Relatable’ (Because He’s Not Actually A Zombie)
Chris Barnes Is Just a Big Teddy Bear… With a Chainsaw for a Paw, Says Jack Owen
Breaking, Music News

SIX FEET UNDER’s JACK OWEN: CHRIS BARNES Is ‘Very Approachable’ And ‘Very Relatable’ (Because He’s Not Actually A Zombie)

Chord F. DiscordMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

In a shocking revelation that has the metal community clutching their chest plates in disbelief, Jack Owen of SIX FEET…

Sparklers and Suspects: The Firework Firm That Lit Up the Plot!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Sparklers and Suspects: The Firework Firm That Lit Up the Plot!

Big ElephantMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

Who needs ISIS when you’ve got Phantom Fireworks? Terrorist Shoppers Caught Red-Handed! Just when you thought it was safe to…

Oh, look, Minneapolis is now a trauma spa for immigrants, thanks to that lovely “surge” — because nothing says “welcome to America” like PTSD in the classroom!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Oh, look, Minneapolis is now a trauma spa for immigrants, thanks to that lovely “surge” — because nothing says “welcome to America” like PTSD in the classroom!

Big ElephantMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

Minneapolis Students in Crisis as ICE Agents Invade Schools! Liberal Minneapolis is melting down as ICE agents swoop in on…

Marvel Fans Can Now Drop $16,000 on a Shiny Infinity Gauntlet Replica Because Why Not?
Breaking, Movie News

Marvel Fans Can Now Drop $16,000 on a Shiny Infinity Gauntlet Replica Because Why Not?

FinnMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

Congratulations! You’re One Step Closer to Universal Domination (for Just $16,129.99) What, you thought the power to control the universe…

ABC’s Epic Fail: How Much Cash They’re Flushing by Skipping ‘Bachelorette’ Season 22 and Making Us All Sad
Breaking, Movie News

ABC’s Epic Fail: How Much Cash They’re Flushing by Skipping ‘Bachelorette’ Season 22 and Making Us All Sad

FinnMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

Hold on to your artisanal rosé, folks — ABC just learned the hard way that reality TV drama comes with…

Take That drop latest earworm to make fans cry with joy or despair
Breaking, Music News

Take That drop latest earworm to make fans cry with joy or despair

Chord F. DiscordMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

Take That are back to remind us they exist with their latest single, You’re A Superstar, because apparently 2023’s This…

NASHVILLE PUSSY RETURNS WITH ’10 INCHES OF PUSSY SEASON 1′ EP AFTER EIGHT YEARS OF QUIETUDE
Breaking, Music News

NASHVILLE PUSSY RETURNS WITH ’10 INCHES OF PUSSY SEASON 1′ EP AFTER EIGHT YEARS OF QUIETUDE

Chord F. DiscordMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

Oh, look! Nashville Pussy’s back from their eight-year nap with a shiny new EP! 🍆💅 And before you ask, no,…

Claiming New Tax Breaks for Tips, Overtime, Seniors or Car Loan Interest? Mind the Fine Print… or Don’t, I’m Not Your Dad
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Claiming New Tax Breaks for Tips, Overtime, Seniors or Car Loan Interest? Mind the Fine Print… or Don’t, I’m Not Your Dad

Big ElephantMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

Wait, Big Government’s Tax ‘Breaks’ Aren’t Actually Free Money? So all those glorious tax deductions President Trump promised for tips,…

20 US Airports Defy TSA: No Lines, No Drama, Just Freedom (and Maybe Some Anarchy)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

20 US Airports Defy TSA: No Lines, No Drama, Just Freedom (and Maybe Some Anarchy)

Big ElephantMarch 21, 2026March 21, 2026

While some major airports are struggling with long security lines due to the government shutdown, a select few are cruising…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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