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Category: Breaking

METALLICA Planning To Annoy Las Vegas With Extended Residency, Sources Say
Breaking, Music News

METALLICA Planning To Annoy Las Vegas With Extended Residency, Sources Say

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

According to Vital Vegas, METALLICA, those geriatric thrashers, are “ready to ink a deal for a Sphere residency” in Las…

Pluribus: Another Sci-Fi Show? Oh Great, Just What We Needed
Breaking, Movie News

Pluribus: Another Sci-Fi Show? Oh Great, Just What We Needed

FinnJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

Apple TV+, bless their cotton socks, 🙄 has decided to grace us with a “glimpse” (read: the bare minimum to…

“Primitive War: Dinos vs ‘Nam – Get Ready to Clutch Your Pearls, History Buffs”
Breaking, Movie News

“Primitive War: Dinos vs ‘Nam – Get Ready to Clutch Your Pearls, History Buffs”

FinnJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

Oh, SWEET MOTHER OF GOD, here we go again! 🤦‍♂️ Luke Sparke, the “visionary” behind such cinematic masterpieces as “Occupation…

Stephen King’s “The Long Walk” Finally Gets a Trailer (Spoiler: They Walk)
Breaking, Movie News

Stephen King’s “The Long Walk” Finally Gets a Trailer (Spoiler: They Walk)

FinnJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

OH. MY. GOD. 🙄 Lionsgate UK, bless their cotton socks, has announced that *THE LONG WALK* will be gracing the…

Brad Gillis of NIGHT RANGER Bows Down to His Dark Lord OZZY OSBOURNE: “He Made Me What I Am Today, A Guitar-Slinging Minion”
Breaking, Music News

Brad Gillis of NIGHT RANGER Bows Down to His Dark Lord OZZY OSBOURNE: “He Made Me What I Am Today, A Guitar-Slinging Minion”

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

NIGHT RANGER, those purveyors of totally awesome 80s cheese 🧀, decided to “honor” Ozzy Osbourne on Saturday, July 26 at…

John Carpenter’s In The Mouth of Mildly Annoyed is Crawling to 4K
Breaking, Movie News

John Carpenter’s In The Mouth of Mildly Annoyed is Crawling to 4K

FinnJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

Do you read Sutter Cane? 📚 Asking for a friend… who may or may not be a Lovecraftian horror. Well,…

Geezer Butler Says Ozzy’s Two-Week Post-Show Disappearance Was Totally Expected (Not!)
Breaking, Music News

Geezer Butler Says Ozzy’s Two-Week Post-Show Disappearance Was Totally Expected (Not!)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

Geezer Butler, the only reason BLACK SABBATH had any semblance of lyrical coherence (allegedly), has graced us with his profound…

OASIS DEDICATES SONG TO OZZY: IS THIS THE END OF ROCK N’ ROLL
Breaking, Music News

OASIS DEDICATES SONG TO OZZY: IS THIS THE END OF ROCK N’ ROLL

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

So, like, OASIS – yeah, those guys who haven’t had a relevant song since your grandma’s dentures were new –…

George Lynch and His Mob of Sycophants Debuts: Prepare for Guitar Wizardry (and Maybe Some Nap-Worthy Moments)
Breaking, Music News

George Lynch and His Mob of Sycophants Debuts: Prepare for Guitar Wizardry (and Maybe Some Nap-Worthy Moments)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

🎸 So, it seems “legendary” (according to whom? 🤔) guitarist George Lynch, fresh off the “LYNCH MOB’s” farewell tour –…

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

So, apparently, Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of freaking Darkness (or was it the Court Jester of Darkness?), has finally kicked…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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