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Category: Breaking

Spikes and Reprieves: The Hilariously Unpredictable Rollercoaster of Gas Prices Across the U.S. – Buckle Up, It’s a Wild Ride!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Spikes and Reprieves: The Hilariously Unpredictable Rollercoaster of Gas Prices Across the U.S. – Buckle Up, It’s a Wild Ride!

Big ElephantMarch 13, 2026March 13, 2026

Oh, great! The Democrats’ energy policies are working so well that we’re now begging for advice from Obama’s energy czars.…

Strike Sneaks Up on Al Quds Day March in Iran: Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Protest
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Strike Sneaks Up on Al Quds Day March in Iran: Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Protest

Big ElephantMarch 13, 2026March 13, 2026

Breaking: Trump’s Lasers Zap Tehran as Al Quds Day Rally Gets Roasted In a shocking turn of events that’s sure…

Pentagon Confirms 6 Crew Members Met Their Fate in Iraq Plane Crash, Because Flying Over a War Zone is Always a Great Idea
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pentagon Confirms 6 Crew Members Met Their Fate in Iraq Plane Crash, Because Flying Over a War Zone is Always a Great Idea

Big ElephantMarch 13, 2026March 13, 2026

Breaking: Another “Accident” or Iranian Sabotage? Biden’s Weakness Gets Americans Killed Again In what the Pentagon is calling a “tragic…

Iran’s new leader, a daring bridge, reframing your daily walk: Catch up on the day’s stories — because who doesn’t love a good bridge and a fresh perspective on walking?
5 Things PM: The Morning After the Night Before
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Iran’s new leader, a daring bridge, reframing your daily walk: Catch up on the day’s stories — because who doesn’t love a good bridge and a fresh perspective on walking?

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Good evening, patriots! It’s time for 5 Things PM, where we cut through the liberal media’s fake news to bring…

Trump 1.0 Crashed the Cuba Party: Diplomats Mourn the Good Times They Had
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump 1.0 Crashed the Cuba Party: Diplomats Mourn the Good Times They Had

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Deep State Diplomats Cry Like Babies as Trump Fixes Obama’s Cuba Mess Another swamp creature crawled out from under a…

Buzzfeed’s Latest Concern: Can It Even Afford Another “Which Disney Princess Are You?” Quiz?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Buzzfeed’s Latest Concern: Can It Even Afford Another “Which Disney Princess Are You?” Quiz?

Big ElephantMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Well, well, well… look who’s finally running out of clicks to count! BuzzFeed, the once-mighty kingdom of “Which Disney Princess…

‘KPop Demon Hunters’ Sequel: Original Directors Return to Slay More Demons with KPop Beats, Fans Rejoice (or Not)
KPop Demon Hunters Sequel Confirmed — Because One K-Pop Apocalypse Isn’t Enough
Breaking, Movie News

‘KPop Demon Hunters’ Sequel: Original Directors Return to Slay More Demons with KPop Beats, Fans Rejoice (or Not)

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Well, well, well, look who’s back to ruin another evening with their perfectly choreographed demon-slaying shenanigans. That’s right, KPop Demon…

‘Lanterns’ Aaron Pierre Joins ‘Superman’ Sequel: Because Even Superheroes Need More Light in Their Lives
Hold onto your power rings, folks — it's time for some intergalactic crossover chaos! 🚀✨
Breaking, Movie News

‘Lanterns’ Aaron Pierre Joins ‘Superman’ Sequel: Because Even Superheroes Need More Light in Their Lives

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

It looks like the DC Universe just couldn’t resist the urge to play matchmaker with its cosmic cops. Aaron Pierre,…

2026 BAFTA Game Awards Nominees: The Ones Who Stayed Awake Long Enough to Be Considered
BAFTA 2026 Game Awards Nominations: The Gaming World Holds Its Breath (Or Maybe Just Its Stomach)
Breaking, Games News

2026 BAFTA Game Awards Nominees: The Ones Who Stayed Awake Long Enough to Be Considered

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

The 22nd BAFTA Game Awards 2026 is rapidly approaching, and we now have access to the full list of nominations.…

Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too
The Oscars Are Doubling Down on Security Because Apparently Iran Wants to Drone-Bomb Hollywood's Biggest Night
Breaking, Movie News

Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Well, well, well, look who’s decided to go full Fort Knox for a night of self-congratulatory back-patting! The 98th Academy…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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