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Category: Breaking

Sabrina Carpenter Throws Shade at White House for Being Tone-Deaf and Using Her Bop in Cringe Political Ad
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Sabrina Carpenter Throws Shade at White House for Being Tone-Deaf and Using Her Bop in Cringe Political Ad

Big ElephantDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Another day, another snowflake meltdown! The White House, in its infinite wisdom, used some bubblegum pop song in a video…

‘Ukraine vs Russia: A Totally Fair Fight (Spoiler: It’s Not)’
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

‘Ukraine vs Russia: A Totally Fair Fight (Spoiler: It’s Not)’

Big ElephantDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN is clutching its pearls over Russia supposedly erasing Ukrainian culture. You know, because sending billions in…

ICE to Round Up Minnesota’s “Finest” Somalis, Feds Say, LOL
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE to Round Up Minnesota’s “Finest” Somalis, Feds Say, LOL

Big ElephantDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Another day, another attempt by the Fake News media to undermine President Trump’s efforts to secure our nation! ICE is…

Keanu Reeves’s band DOGSTAR (lol) Announces Spring/Summer 2026 European Tour (get your earplugs ready)
Breaking, Music News

Keanu Reeves’s band DOGSTAR (lol) Announces Spring/Summer 2026 European Tour (get your earplugs ready)

Chord F. DiscordDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

So, Keanu Reeves, bless his heart, decided that saving the world as John Wick wasn’t enough. Now he’s back with…

Outward 2: Still Somehow Alive and Kicking (Your Butt)
Breaking, Games News

Outward 2: Still Somehow Alive and Kicking (Your Butt)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Okay, so I begrudgingly loaded up Outward 2, fully expecting to hate every single polygon of its existence. I mean,…

David Lowery’s ‘Mother Mary’ Trailer Drops, and We’re All Pretending to Be Excited
Breaking, Movie News

David Lowery’s ‘Mother Mary’ Trailer Drops, and We’re All Pretending to Be Excited

FinnDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Oh honey, hold onto your wigs because the trailer for David Lowery’s “MOTHER MARY” just dropped, and it’s serving… something…

Splinter Cell Reboot: Sam Fisher’s Back…Again (Hopefully Not Another Disappointment)
Breaking, Games News

Splinter Cell Reboot: Sam Fisher’s Back…Again (Hopefully Not Another Disappointment)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Breaking News: Ubisoft Hires Back Guy Who Already Left 🤡 To Direct Splinter Cell Remake! Is This Groundhog Day? In…

IO Interactive CEO Accidentally Sort Of Maybe Mentions Hitman 4 (But Who Cares? CO-OP IS HERE, BABYYYY)
Breaking, Games News

IO Interactive CEO Accidentally Sort Of Maybe Mentions Hitman 4 (But Who Cares? CO-OP IS HERE, BABYYYY)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

OMG! 😱 You won’t BELIEVE what IO Interactive’s CEO, Hakan Abrak, just said about the future of Hitman! Turns out,…

Trump Sends Clown Car to Russia, Demands Ukraine Chill Out
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Sends Clown Car to Russia, Demands Ukraine Chill Out

Big ElephantDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Fake News CNN is at it Again! They are clutching their pearls because President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is…

Hegseth stands by ‘combat decisions’ Admiral made, while a Senate Democrat accuses Hegseth of ‘shifting the blame’—as if anyone cares
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Hegseth stands by ‘combat decisions’ Admiral made, while a Senate Democrat accuses Hegseth of ‘shifting the blame’—as if anyone cares

Big ElephantDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Hegseth stands by Admiral’s combat decisions; Senate Democrat cries foul! Oh, the outrage! As if we didn’t know the radical…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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