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Category: Breaking

Gavin Rossdale’s Lyrical Genius (Finally) Unveiled: ‘I Beat Loneliness’ (Probably)
Breaking

Gavin Rossdale’s Lyrical Genius (Finally) Unveiled: ‘I Beat Loneliness’ (Probably)

Chord F. DiscordMay 21, 2025May 21, 2025

Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because Gavin Rossdale from BUSH (yes, *that* BUSH) just dropped some profound wisdom on Baltimore’s 98…

DORO, Queen of Leather & Surprisingly Buoyant Seafaring Anthems, Drops New Banger This Friday (Prepare to Be Seasick)
Breaking

DORO, Queen of Leather & Surprisingly Buoyant Seafaring Anthems, Drops New Banger This Friday (Prepare to Be Seasick)

Chord F. DiscordMay 21, 2025May 21, 2025

Okay, so apparently the “Metal Queen” Doro Pesch (who?) is dropping a new single called “Warriors Of The Sea” this…

Lies of P: Overture – We Played It So You Don’t Have To (But You Will Anyway, You Pinocchio Simps)
Breaking

Lies of P: Overture – We Played It So You Don’t Have To (But You Will Anyway, You Pinocchio Simps)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 21, 2025May 21, 2025

When I first glimpsed the trailer for Lies of P: Overture, my reaction was a symphony of *meh*. Seriously, where’s…

Lou Koller FINALLY Admits He’s Not Dying (For Now)
Breaking

Lou Koller FINALLY Admits He’s Not Dying (For Now)

Chord F. DiscordMay 20, 2025May 21, 2025

Alright, listen up, ya bunch of whiny internet trolls! Lou Koller, the screechy frontman of those geriatric hardcore legends, SICK…

Disturbed Finds 110,897 People Who Still Own CD Players on “The Sickness” Victory Lap
Breaking

Disturbed Finds 110,897 People Who Still Own CD Players on “The Sickness” Victory Lap

Chord F. DiscordMay 20, 2025May 20, 2025

Alright, metalheads and casual listeners (we see you!), let’s talk about DISTURBED and their groundbreaking, earth-shattering, life-altering (yeah, right) “The…

Katy Perry’s Atomic Meltdown: Did a Fan Just Witness the Birth of Roar 2024?
Breaking

Katy Perry’s Atomic Meltdown: Did a Fan Just Witness the Birth of Roar 2024?

Chuck B. BallsyMay 20, 2025May 20, 2025

Breaking News! Katy Perry, bless her heart (and her ticket sales), has apparently forgotten what a microphone is for and…

Breaking News: Two Guys You Barely Remember From Anthrax Sing A Song You’ve Heard A Million Times
Breaking

Breaking News: Two Guys You Barely Remember From Anthrax Sing A Song You’ve Heard A Million Times

Chord F. DiscordMay 20, 2025May 20, 2025

OMG! 😱 You will NOT believe what happened! Former ANTHRAX singers John Bush (you know, the guy who WASN’T Joey…

Oh GREAT, Another ‘Gears of War’ Movie, Just What the World Needed
Breaking

Oh GREAT, Another ‘Gears of War’ Movie, Just What the World Needed

FinnMay 20, 2025May 21, 2025

Netflix, in its infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), is STILL trying to make a ‘Gears of War’ movie happen. 🙄…

Stellar Blade 2: Electric Boogaloo Confirmed (Mostly, Kinda, Maybe, Ask Your Accountant)
Breaking

Stellar Blade 2: Electric Boogaloo Confirmed (Mostly, Kinda, Maybe, Ask Your Accountant)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 20, 2025May 20, 2025

BREAKING: Shift Up, Creators of the Game That Shall Not Be Named (Unless You’re Into That Sort of Thing), Confirm…

STU BLOCK Begs BARLOW to Save ICED EARTH From Eternal Awkwardness
Breaking

STU BLOCK Begs BARLOW to Save ICED EARTH From Eternal Awkwardness

Chord F. DiscordMay 20, 2025May 20, 2025

Breaking News! Former ICED EARTH throat-warbler Stu Block, the guy who left faster than Jon Schaffer could say “QAnon,” apparently…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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