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Category: Breaking

NECROBUTCHER Hopes MAYHEM Survives Another Two Decades of Corpse Paint and Chaos
Breaking, Music News

NECROBUTCHER Hopes MAYHEM Survives Another Two Decades of Corpse Paint and Chaos

Chord F. DiscordDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

🎵 When Black Metal Meets Retirement Plans: MAYHEM’s Quest to Outlive Their Fans (and Possibly Themselves) 🧓‍♂️⚰️ In a shocking…

Democrat Says Only Trump Can Tame Putin’s Inner Drama Queen
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Democrat Says Only Trump Can Tame Putin’s Inner Drama Queen

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

Debbie Dingell Can’t Handle the Truth: Trump’s Peace Plan Exposes Democrat War Machine! In a stunning display of liberal hypocrisy,…

A Texas Teen Vanishes on Christmas Eve—Santa’s Suspected, Authorities Say “Check the Naughty List First”
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

A Texas Teen Vanishes on Christmas Eve—Santa’s Suspected, Authorities Say “Check the Naughty List First”

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

The Great American Mystery: Teen Vanishes on Christmas Eve, FBI Called In to Find Out If She Joined the Squad…

The 15 Movies Hollywood Thinks Will Distract You From the Impending Apocalypse
Breaking, Movie News

The 15 Movies Hollywood Thinks Will Distract You From the Impending Apocalypse

FinnDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

2026: The Year Hollywood Decided to Throw a $2 Billion Birthday Party for Itself (And Accidentally Invited Us) Ah yes,…

The Most Expensive Disasters of 2025
Breaking, Movie News

The Most Expensive Disasters of 2025

FinnDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

2025 was a cinematic dumpster fire wrapped in a CGI explosion and served with a side of “but the algorithm…

The Justice Department’s Epstein Files Drop: A Masterclass in Paperwork Procrastination
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Justice Department’s Epstein Files Drop: A Masterclass in Paperwork Procrastination

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

Another Day, Another Clinton Scandal Leak – And the Deep State Gets an “F” for Incompetence Well, well, well. The…

Americans in 1998 Tried to Predict 2025 and Somehow Missed the Part About Us All Living in a Simulated Reality Run by Sentient Toaster Ovens
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Americans in 1998 Tried to Predict 2025 and Somehow Missed the Part About Us All Living in a Simulated Reality Run by Sentient Toaster Ovens

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

’98 Pollsters Predicted Biden Would Steal 2020 and Run America Into the Ground – Shockingly Accurate! In a stunning display…

Trump Brags About Accidentally Nuking a Taco Stand During Venezuela ‘Operation
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Brags About Accidentally Nuking a Taco Stand During Venezuela ‘Operation

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

Trump Nukes Venezuelan “Big Plant” – Turns Out It Was Just Hugo Chavez’s Old Taco Stand In a stunning display…

Watch: TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA Tries To Make OZZY OSBOURNE Sound Classy With A ‘Changes’ Cover That Even Your Grandma Could Enjoy
Breaking, Music News

Watch: TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA Tries To Make OZZY OSBOURNE Sound Classy With A ‘Changes’ Cover That Even Your Grandma Could Enjoy

Chord F. DiscordDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA Just Dropped a Black Sabbath Mash-Up So Epic, Even the Dead Are Headbanging 🤖❄️🎸 In a move that…

The Barbarians Are Storming Lululemon’s Yoga Studio and Demanding Matching Leggings
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Barbarians Are Storming Lululemon’s Yoga Studio and Demanding Matching Leggings

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

Chip Wilson Declares War on Lululemon’s Woke Fashion Failures, Blames Liberals for Leggings Losing Their Mojo In a stunning turn…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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