Gas Prices Soar to $3.45 a Gallon as Middle East Turmoil Spikes Oil Over $100 a Barrel
In a shocking twist that no one could have predicted, gas prices in America have hit $3.45 a gallon—up 16% in just one week—as Middle East chaos drives oil prices past $100 per barrel for the first time since the Russia-Ukraine war. And guess who gets blamed? Not the warmongering globalists or Iran’s mullahs—no, of course not. It’s always Trump’s fault in the eyes of the fake news media.
Dow futures tanked 851 points, and the S&P 500 and Nasdaq followed suit as investors panicked over the energy shock. But don’t worry, says President Trump—this is just a “little glitch” and a temporary “detour.” Meanwhile, Energy Secretary Chris Wright reassured the nation that the US isn’t planning to strike Iran’s oil industry. Because obviously, we wouldn’t want to upset the delicate balance of letting our enemies control the global energy supply.
Iran, never one to miss an opportunity to flex its muscles, is now threatening to choke off the Strait of Hormuz—the narrow waterway through which 20% of the world’s oil passes. Iranian officials warn they won’t give up control “until they achieve their desired results.” Gee, how reassuring.
Oil producers are already slashing output because storage tanks are full. So while Iran plays geopolitical games, American families are left paying more at the pump. But don’t expect the left to blame the real culprits—they’re too busy blaming Trump for everything from inflation to bad weather.
As we head into the midterms, Democrats are praying for economic pain to stick to Republicans. But voters aren’t that stupid. They know who’s really to blame: the globalist elites, the warmongers, and the foreign dictators—not the America First president trying to keep us safe.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
