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Category: Breaking

Queens of the Stone Age: ‘Alive In the Catacombs’ – More Like ‘Barely Conscious In a Basement,’ Am I Right
Breaking

Queens of the Stone Age: ‘Alive In the Catacombs’ – More Like ‘Barely Conscious In a Basement,’ Am I Right

Chord F. DiscordMay 13, 2025May 13, 2025

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE, those lovable desert weirdos, are finally releasing that Catacombs thing everyone totally forgot about. Prepare…

Ubisoft Toronto Accidentally Unlocks Its Doors, Celebrates 15 Years of… Something
Breaking

Ubisoft Toronto Accidentally Unlocks Its Doors, Celebrates 15 Years of… Something

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

Ah, Ubisoft Toronto, bless their hearts. πŸ™„ They’re opening their doors for Doors Open Toronto to celebrate… wait for it……

Suzanne Vega’s Near-Death Experience (From Boredom, Probably) Almost Scuttled Festival
Breaking

Suzanne Vega’s Near-Death Experience (From Boredom, Probably) Almost Scuttled Festival

Chuck B. BallsyMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Suzanne Vega, bless her heart, almost canceled Glastonbury ’89 because of a STALKER! Apparently, someone wasn’t a fan of…

Katy Perry *Finally* Acknowledges She Used to Sound Like a Dying Cat
Breaking

Katy Perry *Finally* Acknowledges She Used to Sound Like a Dying Cat

Chuck B. BallsyMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

Alright, buckle up, buttercups 🌼, because we’re diving headfirst into the DRAMA 🎭 that is Katy Perry and her sudden…

Harley Flanagan and the missus yammer ’bout rabbit food and a movie nobody asked for πŸ₯•πŸŽ¬πŸ™„
Breaking

Harley Flanagan and the missus yammer ’bout rabbit food and a movie nobody asked for πŸ₯•πŸŽ¬πŸ™„

Chord F. DiscordMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

Oh, sweet lord, another washed-up hardcore dude trying to stay relevant. πŸ™„ Harley Flanagan, the human embodiment of a mid-life…

“Friendship”: A Cinematic Masterpiece (of Mediocrity) That Will Make You Question All Your Life Choices (Especially Watching This)
Breaking

“Friendship”: A Cinematic Masterpiece (of Mediocrity) That Will Make You Question All Your Life Choices (Especially Watching This)

FinnMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

Okay, folks, buckle up, because β€˜Friendship’ is getting a WHOPPING 8.5 out of 10 stars! 🌟 Yeah, you heard that…

Lemmy’s Ghost Haunts Stoke-on-Trent: Bronze Abomination Erected
Breaking

Lemmy’s Ghost Haunts Stoke-on-Trent: Bronze Abomination Erected

Chord F. DiscordMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

On Friday, May 9, 2025, Lemmy Kilmister, the dude who made a career out of singing about speed and playing…

Gene Simmons Swears KISS Won’t Tour Again (Unless the Price is Right, LOL)
Breaking

Gene Simmons Swears KISS Won’t Tour Again (Unless the Price is Right, LOL)

Chord F. DiscordMay 12, 2025May 12, 2025

In a recent chat with some dude named Kyle Meredith (who?), Gene Simmons, the self-proclaimed God of Thunder (more like…

Prepare to Have Your Wallet Violently Assaulted by Shiny New Things!
Breaking

Prepare to Have Your Wallet Violently Assaulted by Shiny New Things!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMay 11, 2025May 11, 2025

Rick Lane, our resident purveyor of vaguely positive opinions, has emerged from his caffeine-fueled slumber to grace us with news…

Wes Scantlin Promises New Album Will Make You Cry (Probably From Laughter)
Breaking

Wes Scantlin Promises New Album Will Make You Cry (Probably From Laughter)

Chord F. DiscordMay 11, 2025May 11, 2025

In a new interview with Mark Strigl, PUDDLE OF MUDD frontman Wes Scantlin, the only guy keeping the “Mud” afloat…

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  • Jason Newsted Abandons Dignity To Tour With The Chophouse Band Because You Clearly Needed This

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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