Étoile? More like E-TOILET🚽… prepare for a dump of opinions!
So, ‘Étoile’ Season 1 gets a whopping 7.5 out of 10 stars, huh? 🙄 Must be groundbreaking television. I mean,…
Category: Breaking
The Sword, bless their hearts, are dusting off “Warp Riders” for a 15th-anniversary tour, because apparently time (and riffs) forgot that album existed 🤷♂️🎸🚀
Behold, the geriatric Texan riff-lords, THE SWORD, have dusted off their amplifiers and emerged from whatever retirement home they were…
Igor Cavalera Claims Brazilian Metalheads Were Just Trolling Grandma With Satanic Stuff 🤘😂👵
OMG! 😱 Iggor Cavalera, the dude who used to hit things in Sepultura (before they became, like, *totally* irrelevant), just…
“No Rest for the Wicked” devs claim their “Breach Update” is totally new, but really it’s just more of the same, amirite? 🙄😂🔥
Alright gamers, listen up! No Rest for the Wicked, that game that’s trying to be Dark Souls but also Diablo…
Bruce Dickinson 👴🏻 Still at it? 🎤🎸 18 Songs of flight ✈️ (delayed ‘Til 2026 🗓️, Obviously 🙄).
So, Bruce Dickinson, AKA the air raid siren from IRON MAIDEN (the band your dad probably listens to), decided to…
OMG, Marvel Rivals is giving Winter Soldier a Thunderbolts makeover and throwing a Hellfire Gala, because apparently, that’s what the game was MISSING 💅🔥🤡
Oh, honey, hold my vibranium shield! 🛡️ Marvel Rivals, that game we all *totally* play and *aren’t* just pretending to…
Taylor Swift “Crafted” a 2014 Banger with Imogen Heap in a Whole 24 Hours 🤯, Truly Groundbreaking 🙄
OMG, you guys, Taylor Swift and Imogen Heap, like, *totally* wrote and recorded “Clean” in a SINGLE DAY. 🤯 I…
NVIDIA’s “AI Blueprint” lets you *finally* generate 3D images that are only slightly less terrifying than your sleep paralysis demon 👻🖼️
Alright gamers, listen up! Nvidia, in its infinite wisdom (and quest for world domination 😈), is gracing us with the…
Lorraine Lewis Claims Vixen Firing Was a Total Mystery, Like Where Socks Disappear in the Dryer 🧦🤷♀️😂
So, apparently, former VIXEN singer Lorraine Lewis (who? 🤷♀️) did an interview with Brutal Planet Media (never heard of ’em)…
Klaus Meine says Scorpions are too busy napping to sting us with new tunes 😴🎸.
OMG! 😱 The Scorpions, those geriatric rock gods, are STILL alive and kicking…mostly! Klaus Meine, Rudolf Schenker, and Matthias Jabs…