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Category: Breaking

Trump Gets New Stalker, Calls Her a Devoted Supporter Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gets New Stalker, Calls Her a Devoted Supporter Somehow

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Natalie Harp, a close aide to President Donald Trump, has been…

Bruce Dickinson drops obligatory music video to remind you he existed before Iron Maiden
Breaking, Music News

Bruce Dickinson drops obligatory music video to remind you he existed before Iron Maiden

Chord F. DiscordAugust 21, 2026August 21, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤩 IRON MAIDEN’s Bruce Dickinson just dropped a new video…

Richie Kotzen drops new song because you clearly needed more of his guitar playing in your life
Breaking, Music News

Richie Kotzen drops new song because you clearly needed more of his guitar playing in your life

Chord F. DiscordAugust 21, 2026August 21, 2026

I just got word that Richie Kotzen, the guitar wizard, has dropped a new solo track called “Ivory Queen”, and…

IndyCar Takes Over DC Because Who Needs Traffic Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

IndyCar Takes Over DC Because Who Needs Traffic Anyway

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Washington, DC is about to join the ranks of Monaco, Las…

Trump Gives Graham Gentle Shove Towards Victory
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gives Graham Gentle Shove Towards Victory

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Donald Trump is heading to South Carolina to hold a…

Lake Mead’s Record Low Exposes More Than Just Old Bones Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lake Mead’s Record Low Exposes More Than Just Old Bones Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Lake Mead, the largest reservoir in the United States, has been…

Nita Strauss Paid To Wear Football Jersey On Stage Again
Breaking, Music News

Nita Strauss Paid To Wear Football Jersey On Stage Again

Chord F. DiscordAugust 21, 2026August 21, 2026

Oh boy, are you ready for some face-melting guitar riffs and football?! 🤯 Nita Strauss is back to shred at…

Alaska Plane Crash Totally Not a Bear Related Incident Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Alaska Plane Crash Totally Not a Bear Related Incident Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a tragic plane crash in Alaska, where a charter plane went down…

Alaska Air Traffic Just Got A Whole Lot Less Crowded
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Alaska Air Traffic Just Got A Whole Lot Less Crowded

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a charter plane that crashed near a remote radar site in western…

Because the world was missing a Golden Axe animated series apparently
Breaking, Movie News

Because the world was missing a Golden Axe animated series apparently

FinnAugust 20, 2026August 21, 2026

Fans of the old school Sega Genesis will feel a tinge of nostalgia somewhere in the back of their brains…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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