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Category: Breaking

Xbox’s Next Game Showcase Is All About Metro 2039 and Definitely Not Just a Rehash of the Same Old Games with a Few More Pixels and a Bigger Price Tag
Breaking, Games News

Xbox’s Next Game Showcase Is All About Metro 2039 and Definitely Not Just a Rehash of the Same Old Games with a Few More Pixels and a Bigger Price Tag

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 13, 2026April 13, 2026

Get ready for the most epic gaming announcement of the year, folks! 🎉👀 4A Games is finally spilling the beans…

Good riddance to liberal loser Eric Swalwell fails again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Good riddance to liberal loser Eric Swalwell fails again

Big ElephantApril 13, 2026April 13, 2026

It’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to report on the latest nonsense from the fake news…

Deep State panics over losing spy powers on Trump’s watch
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Deep State panics over losing spy powers on Trump’s watch

Big ElephantApril 13, 2026April 13, 2026

The so-called “experts” are at it again, trying to undermine the greatness of our nation and our fearless leader, President…

Musk genius billionaire(C) stays one step ahead of fake news haters
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Musk genius billionaire(C) stays one step ahead of fake news haters

Big ElephantApril 13, 2026April 13, 2026

Let’s get this straight, folks, it’s 2026 and our great nation is still thriving under the magnificent leadership of President…

Fake news CNN still whining about Trump’s awesome ballroom upgrades
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fake news CNN still whining about Trump’s awesome ballroom upgrades

Big ElephantApril 12, 2026April 12, 2026

Oh boy, are you in for a treat, folks. As I sit here, sipping my “Make America Great Again” coffee,…

Deep State Witch Hunt Targets Another Great American Patriot Hero
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Deep State Witch Hunt Targets Another Great American Patriot Hero

Big ElephantApril 12, 2026April 12, 2026

It’s absolutely hilarious to see the fake news media still whining about President Trump’s incredibly successful presidency, even as he’s…

Who cares about Israel’s fires when America is great
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Who cares about Israel’s fires when America is great

Big ElephantApril 12, 2026April 12, 2026

The so-called “experts” are at it again, trying to tell us that the Biden administration’s leftovers are still somehow relevant…

BREAKING: KEANU REEVES Finally Decides to Use His Matrix Money to Fund His Midlife Crisis Band DOGSTAR’s Latest Masterpiece ‘Joy’ Because Who Needs Acting When You Can Be a Rockstar
Breaking, Music News

BREAKING: KEANU REEVES Finally Decides to Use His Matrix Money to Fund His Midlife Crisis Band DOGSTAR’s Latest Masterpiece ‘Joy’ Because Who Needs Acting When You Can Be a Rockstar

Chord F. DiscordApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

Get ready to rock, folks! 🤟 Keanu Reeves’ super cool, totally awesome, and not-at-all-trying-too-hard band DOGSTAR is back with a…

Honkai Star Rail Turns The Big Three And Suddenly Thinks Its Too Old For Your Attention But Hey Free Stuff
Breaking, Games News

Honkai Star Rail Turns The Big Three And Suddenly Thinks Its Too Old For Your Attention But Hey Free Stuff

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

Get ready for the most epic update ever in Honkai: Star Rail, because Version 4.2, also known as “So Laughed…

Failed ‘Power Rangers’ Reboot Was Going to be a Super Long and Painful Four Movie Trainwreck That Luckily Got Canceled
Breaking, Movie News

Failed ‘Power Rangers’ Reboot Was Going to be a Super Long and Painful Four Movie Trainwreck That Luckily Got Canceled

FinnApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

The whopping failure of the 2017 Power Rangers reboot is still a sore spot for some fans, but let’s be…

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Latest posts

  • SONNY SANDOVAL On P.O.D.’s Upcoming LP: ‘It’s Definitely Not Going to Be a Trainwreck and Will Totally Not Be Forgotten in a Month’
  • Zack Snyder to Ruin Another Classic with His Signature Brand of Soulless Explosions in the Totally Necessary Remake of Escape From New York
  • Because You Clearly Need an Excuse to Eat a Whole Bowl of Ice Cream the Jimmy Fund Scooper Bowl
  • Ryan Holiday is Finally Going to Say Something Deep and You’ll Forget it 5 Minutes Later
  • When Jim Carrey joins Billy Corgan 🎃

Editorial
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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
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