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Category: Breaking

We Sacrificed Our Taste Buds to the Dark Lord of Overhyped Candy and Checked Out Those Ridiculously Overpriced Harry Potter Butterbeer Peeps
Breaking, Movie News

We Sacrificed Our Taste Buds to the Dark Lord of Overhyped Candy and Checked Out Those Ridiculously Overpriced Harry Potter Butterbeer Peeps

FinnApril 6, 2026April 6, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys in for a treat today! I’m about to review the most epic, the most legendary,…

Alien Life Matters More Than American Jobs Obviously
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Alien Life Matters More Than American Jobs Obviously

Big ElephantApril 6, 2026April 6, 2026

Oh boy, are the fake news media and the deep state going to have a field day with this one.…

Jon Oliva Still Alive Somehow Despite Being Old and Creaky
Breaking, Music News

Jon Oliva Still Alive Somehow Despite Being Old and Creaky

Chord F. DiscordApril 6, 2026April 6, 2026

Breaking News: Jon Oliva is Still Alive and Kicking (Sort Of) 🤣. In a shocking turn of events, the 66-year-old…

METAL CHURCH’s KURDT VANDERHOOF Totally Not Being Defensive At All Claims Former Members Were Totally Clueless And Shouldve Seen It Coming Duh
Breaking News: Metal Church Lineup Changes - The Drama Continues 🤯
Breaking, Music News

METAL CHURCH’s KURDT VANDERHOOF Totally Not Being Defensive At All Claims Former Members Were Totally Clueless And Shouldve Seen It Coming Duh

Chord F. DiscordApril 6, 2026April 6, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Metal Church’s founding guitarist Kurdt Vanderhoof has spoken out about the band’s new lineup,…

State of Decay 3 Closed Alpha Announced Because You Clearly Haven’t Had Enough Zombie Apocalypse Stress in Your Life Yet
Breaking News: State of Decay 3 Closed Alpha Test Announced, Because You've All Been Waiting Patiently for Like, Forever 🤣
Breaking, Games News

State of Decay 3 Closed Alpha Announced Because You Clearly Haven’t Had Enough Zombie Apocalypse Stress in Your Life Yet

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 6, 2026April 6, 2026

This past weekend was a real treat for State of Decay fans, and by “treat,” I mean they finally got…

Awesome Trump shows strength against those loser Iranian tinhorns again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Awesome Trump shows strength against those loser Iranian tinhorns again

Big ElephantApril 6, 2026April 6, 2026

It’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to be writing about the latest “scandals” surrounding our great…

Fake news CNN tries to ruin California with liberal debate nonsense again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fake news CNN tries to ruin California with liberal debate nonsense again

Big ElephantApril 6, 2026April 6, 2026

It’s a joke, folks, a total joke. We’ve got a so-called “news” article here that’s trying to make our great…

Wow, Deep State fails again, just another witch hunt collapsed
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Wow, Deep State fails again, just another witch hunt collapsed

Big ElephantApril 6, 2026April 6, 2026

It’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to be writing about the latest “scandals” surrounding our great…

My Hero Academia is Still a Thing and Somehow its 10th Anniversary is Already Here with a Fancy New Picture to Distract You from How Long Youve Been Waiting for Episode 171
Breaking, Movie News

My Hero Academia is Still a Thing and Somehow its 10th Anniversary is Already Here with a Fancy New Picture to Distract You from How Long Youve Been Waiting for Episode 171

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 5, 2026April 5, 2026

Big News for all you My Hero Academia Fans out there! 🎉👏 TOHO animation just announced a free streaming marathon…

Breaking News: FOO FIGHTERS Desperately Scour Earth for Drummer Who Can Tolerate Dave Grohl’s Ego, Find Ilan Rubin Who Must Have Lost a Bet
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: FOO FIGHTERS Desperately Scour Earth for Drummer Who Can Tolerate Dave Grohl’s Ego, Find Ilan Rubin Who Must Have Lost a Bet

Chord F. DiscordApril 5, 2026April 5, 2026

So, you want to know about the drama-filled world of rock drummers? Well, buckle up, folks, because Ilan Rubin, the…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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