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Category: Breaking

AG Todd Blanche somehow not involved in weird seashell threat thing
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

AG Todd Blanche somehow not involved in weird seashell threat thing

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and trying to make sense of this wild story. Apparently, the Justice Department is saying…

Another Year Another Desperate Scouring of Letterboxd for Any Sign of Life in Hollywood
Breaking, Movie News

Another Year Another Desperate Scouring of Letterboxd for Any Sign of Life in Hollywood

FinnAugust 19, 2026August 19, 2026

As we approach the two-thirds mark of 2026, it’s time to check in with the most passionate film fans on…

Richards Blames Obvious Culprit: Herself
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Richards Blames Obvious Culprit: Herself

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Dr. Renée Richards, a trailblazing transgender woman who took the tennis world by…

Fatboy Slim rehashes Better Living Through Chemistry because you didn’t buy it enough
Breaking, Music News

Fatboy Slim rehashes Better Living Through Chemistry because you didn’t buy it enough

Chord F. DiscordAugust 19, 2026August 19, 2026

Well, well, well, it looks like another anniversary edition is upon us, because apparently retirement is just a suggestion. Fatboy…

Big Bend Gets Beautiful New Wall To Match Scenic Views
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Big Bend Gets Beautiful New Wall To Match Scenic Views

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest developments in Big Bend National Park, where bulldozers and excavators have…

Heavy music cures your sadness now buy the documentary
Breaking, Music News

Heavy music cures your sadness now buy the documentary

Chord F. DiscordAugust 19, 2026August 19, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some “Heavy Healing”? 🤯 Because, apparently, millions of people have been begging for…

Floor Jansen Butchers Metallica Classic With Bunch Of Sailors
Breaking, Music News

Floor Jansen Butchers Metallica Classic With Bunch Of Sailors

Chord F. DiscordAugust 19, 2026August 19, 2026

Oh boy, are you in for a treat! 🎉 NIGHTWISH singer Floor Jansen just performed with the Marine Band Of…

Politician Makes Video Go Viral Somehow With Bae
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Politician Makes Video Go Viral Somehow With Bae

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading about Sen. Jon Ossoff’s latest move. He invoked President Trump’s “travel with Natalie”…

Energy Markets Having Totally Normal And Not At All Alarming Moment
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Energy Markets Having Totally Normal And Not At All Alarming Moment

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like the perfect storm is brewing in the oil…

Nolan Wells Still Dead Investigation Plods Along
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Nolan Wells Still Dead Investigation Plods Along

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Nolan Wells should have turned 19 surrounded by a birthday cake,…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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