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Category: Breaking

USPS Whistleblower Reveals Mail Ballot System Is Totally Not Fine
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

USPS Whistleblower Reveals Mail Ballot System Is Totally Not Fine

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the US Postal Service’s new system for verifying mail ballots, and let…

Tupac Murder Case Wraps Up Faster Than His Albums
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tupac Murder Case Wraps Up Faster Than His Albums

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The trial of Duane “Keffe D” Davis, the man accused…

Mexico Cost Of Living Apparently Includes 1.8 Million Dollar Fines
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Mexico Cost Of Living Apparently Includes 1.8 Million Dollar Fines

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Hector “Alessandro” Negrete, a man who moved to Guadalajara, Mexico, is…

HBO Max Digs Up The Howard Stern Show Because Everything Else is Exhausted
Breaking, Movie News

HBO Max Digs Up The Howard Stern Show Because Everything Else is Exhausted

FinnSeptember 1, 2026September 1, 2026

Howard Stern is returning to television, because of course he is. The “King of All Media” has struck a deal…

Because What The World Really Needed Was More Plastic Junk
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Really Needed Was More Plastic Junk

FinnSeptember 1, 2026September 1, 2026

Because what the world really needed was a mashup of a sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea…

Amazon Gets Sued For Being Too Good At Taking Money
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Amazon Gets Sued For Being Too Good At Taking Money

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Amazon’s latest run-in with the Federal Trade Commission, and folks, it’s a doozy.…

Trump Gets Green Light For Fancy Dance Floor At Public Expense
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gets Green Light For Fancy Dance Floor At Public Expense

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The Supreme Court just gave President Trump the green light to…

Vance Warns El-Sayed Hands Off His Wife
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Vance Warns El-Sayed Hands Off His Wife

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest drama in the Michigan Senate race, and folks, it’s getting heated.…

Times Square just got a little less stabby apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Times Square just got a little less stabby apparently

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2026August 31, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A woman, Pamela Cisneros, walked into the heart of Times Square,…

Trump’s Favorite Gas Station Gets Free Fuel Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Favorite Gas Station Gets Free Fuel Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems like the mystery of how Freedom Fuel Network was…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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