Turkey-Weary Nation Makes Triumphant Return To Eating Shrimp
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—At long last able to rejoice as its days of wandering in a culinary desert reached an end,…
Category: The Onion
Coffee Prices Rise To 50-Year Highs
Read MoreThe OnionCoffee beans are hitting record-high prices not seen in nearly 50 years after difficult growing seasons among some…
Cousin’s Husband Says First Word
Read MoreThe OnionNORFOLK, VA—In what is being hailed as a huge milestone in the development of the man’s verbal skills,…
What To Know About ‘Squid Game’ Season 2
Read MoreThe OnionThree years after it first premiered, Squid Game is returning to Netflix. Here is what you need to…
World’s Oldest Known Wild Bird Lays Egg At 74
Read MoreThe OnionWisdom, a Laysan albatross and the world’s oldest known wild bird, laid an egg at the approximate age…
48-Year-Old Rabbit Finally Finishes The Job
Read MoreThe OnionThe post 48-Year-Old Rabbit Finally Finishes The Job appeared first on The Onion.
Britain Bans Puberty Blockers For Transgender Minors
Read MoreThe OnionThe United Kingdom indefinitely banned new prescriptions of puberty blockers to treat minors for gender dysphoria, with the…
Pope Francis Decries Legal Head Shops Overrunning Vatican City
Read MoreThe OnionVATICAN CITY—Speaking to reporters in front of Saint Peter’s Holy Vape House in the heart of downtown, Pope…
Surgeon General: ‘You Are Supposed To Be Able To Button Your Pants’
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Noting that the fasteners commonly found on most trousers were not merely ornamental, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued…
Chainsaw-Wielding Man Shot By Officers At Assisted Living Center
Read MoreThe OnionA man was shot and killed by police after allegedly threatening residents and staff of a suburban assisted…