World’s Oldest Known Wild Bird Lays Egg At 74
Read MoreThe OnionWisdom, a Laysan albatross and the world’s oldest known wild bird, laid an egg at the approximate age…
Category: The Onion
48-Year-Old Rabbit Finally Finishes The Job
Read MoreThe OnionThe post 48-Year-Old Rabbit Finally Finishes The Job appeared first on The Onion.
Britain Bans Puberty Blockers For Transgender Minors
Read MoreThe OnionThe United Kingdom indefinitely banned new prescriptions of puberty blockers to treat minors for gender dysphoria, with the…
Pope Francis Decries Legal Head Shops Overrunning Vatican City
Read MoreThe OnionVATICAN CITY—Speaking to reporters in front of Saint Peter’s Holy Vape House in the heart of downtown, Pope…
Surgeon General: ‘You Are Supposed To Be Able To Button Your Pants’
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Noting that the fasteners commonly found on most trousers were not merely ornamental, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued…
Chainsaw-Wielding Man Shot By Officers At Assisted Living Center
Read MoreThe OnionA man was shot and killed by police after allegedly threatening residents and staff of a suburban assisted…
Rand Paul Floats Elon Musk For House Speaker
Read MoreThe OnionSenator Rand Paul (R-KY) is floating Elon Musk to be Speaker of the House after the powerful tech…
Foster Child Hopes Adoption Papers Not His Only Christmas Gift
Read MoreThe OnionCHARLOTTE, NC—After finding only a large, plain envelope with his name on it under the tree, local foster…
Tips For Preventing Package Theft
Read MoreThe OnionAn estimated 120 million packages are stolen every year. With holiday shopping in full swing,The Onion shares tips…
Jets Fans Required To Sign NDA Before Leaving Stadium
Read MoreThe OnionEAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—With security checkpoints having been set up near every exit, New York Jets fans were reportedly…