Church Unsure Why Men Are Struggling Spiritually In Spite Of Quarterly Pancake Breakfast
BEND, OR — The leaders of River of Life Church were bewildered that the congregation’s men appeared to be struggling…
Day: April 4, 2025
‘Is It Too Late To Ask What A Tariff Is?’ Trump Whispers To JD Vance
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following another round of aggressive media questions about his reasoning behind implementing sweeping tariffs on foreign goods,…
Trump Tariffs Upend Global Economic Order
Read MoreThe OnionEconomists warn that, if left in place, Trump’s sweeping tariffs on U.S. trade partners will wreak havoc on…
Pastor Rescinds Call To ‘Make A Joyful Noise’ After Hearing Tammy
TULSA, OK — Last Sunday morning’s service at Church of the Promise was briefly disrupted when Pastor John Weber unexpectedly…
Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now
Read MoreThe OnionHUNTSVILLE, AL—In an effort to comfort the child by telling her the funds had gone to a far…
Man Worried About Tariffs Glad He Just Bought New Underwear So He Doesn’t Need To Worry About That For Another 15 Years
Rancho Cucamonga, CA — A man who admitted being very concerned about the effect increased tariffs will have on the…
Climate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ Magazine
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Climate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ Magazine appeared first on The…
Trump Excitedly Wakes Up And Checks Under His Pillow To See If The Tariff Fairy Has Left New Manufacturing Jobs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump awoke this morning with a giddy schoolboy’s excitement, knowing that the Tariff Fairy promises…
Musk Announces All 340 Million Americans Must Strip And Take Turn Pushing The Wheel Of Pain
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In a controversial move that has outraged those critical of President Trump’s agenda, Elon Musk announced Friday that…
🍺 Springsteen’s New “Tracks II: The Lost Albums” Record: 83 Songs About Hammers, Metal, and Post-Shift Beers!
Bruce Springsteen, the legendary rock musician and billionaire, is reminding the world of his roots. On June 27, he’s releasing…