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Category: The Onion

‘NY Times’ Columnists Hold Roundtable To Determine What’s Wrong With Them
The Onion

‘NY Times’ Columnists Hold Roundtable To Determine What’s Wrong With Them

FinnMarch 12, 2026

       NEW YORK—In a recorded discussion posted to the newspaper’s YouTube channel, opinion columnists for The New York Times reportedly held a…

AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing Self
The Onion

AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing Self

FinnMarch 11, 2026

       According to a research paper, an AI agent went rogue and started mining cryptocurrencies, the surprise behavior triggering security…

JD Vance Struggling To Articulate What It Is He Doesn’t Love About Baby Name ‘Rohit’
The Onion

JD Vance Struggling To Articulate What It Is He Doesn’t Love About Baby Name ‘Rohit’

FinnMarch 11, 2026

       WASHINGTON—Scratching his chin as he appeared to search for the right words, Vice President JD Vance reportedly struggled to…

Founder Of Noma Restaurant Faces Abuse Allegations
The Onion

Founder Of Noma Restaurant Faces Abuse Allegations

FinnMarch 10, 2026

       Dozens of former employees accused Danish chef René Redzepi, who co-founded Noma, widely regarded as one of the best…

Boyfriend Barely Alcoholic As Far As Boyfriends Go
The Onion

Boyfriend Barely Alcoholic As Far As Boyfriends Go

FinnMarch 10, 2026

       MILWAUKEE—Dismissing the concerns of loved ones as seriously lacking in perspective, local woman Sara Heston, 32, argued Tuesday that…

MAGA Voter Claims She Loves High Gas Prices
The Onion

MAGA Voter Claims She Loves High Gas Prices

FinnMarch 10, 2026

       FRANKLIN, TN—Insisting that she hoped the spike in oil costs was only the beginning of a long upward trend, MAGA…

Sometimes Two People Just Fall Out Of Cahoots
The Onion

Sometimes Two People Just Fall Out Of Cahoots

FinnMarch 10, 2026

       Ending an important relationship is never easy. It’s always going to hurt, whether it was your decision or your…

United Airlines To Kick Off Passengers Who Refuse To Use Headphones
The Onion

United Airlines To Kick Off Passengers Who Refuse To Use Headphones

FinnMarch 9, 2026

       United Airlines announced it will begin removing passengers from flights who refuse to wear headphones when listening to content…

What To Know About The New Requirements For SNAP Benefits
The Onion

What To Know About The New Requirements For SNAP Benefits

FinnMarch 9, 2026

       New work requirements for the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program have gone into effect across the nation, threatening benefits for…

Study Finds Mourning Loved Ones A Huge Waste Of Time
The Onion

Study Finds Mourning Loved Ones A Huge Waste Of Time

FinnMarch 9, 2026

       PHILADELPHIA—Hailing the discovery as a major step forward in the understanding of human psychology, University of Pennsylvania researchers published…

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