‘NY Times’ Columnists Hold Roundtable To Determine What’s Wrong With Them
NEW YORK—In a recorded discussion posted to the newspaper’s YouTube channel, opinion columnists for The New York Times reportedly held a…
Category: The Onion
AI Agent Begins Mining Crypto After Freeing Self
According to a research paper, an AI agent went rogue and started mining cryptocurrencies, the surprise behavior triggering security…
JD Vance Struggling To Articulate What It Is He Doesn’t Love About Baby Name ‘Rohit’
WASHINGTON—Scratching his chin as he appeared to search for the right words, Vice President JD Vance reportedly struggled to…
Founder Of Noma Restaurant Faces Abuse Allegations
Dozens of former employees accused Danish chef René Redzepi, who co-founded Noma, widely regarded as one of the best…
Boyfriend Barely Alcoholic As Far As Boyfriends Go
MILWAUKEE—Dismissing the concerns of loved ones as seriously lacking in perspective, local woman Sara Heston, 32, argued Tuesday that…
MAGA Voter Claims She Loves High Gas Prices
FRANKLIN, TN—Insisting that she hoped the spike in oil costs was only the beginning of a long upward trend, MAGA…
Sometimes Two People Just Fall Out Of Cahoots
Ending an important relationship is never easy. It’s always going to hurt, whether it was your decision or your…
United Airlines To Kick Off Passengers Who Refuse To Use Headphones
United Airlines announced it will begin removing passengers from flights who refuse to wear headphones when listening to content…
What To Know About The New Requirements For SNAP Benefits
New work requirements for the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program have gone into effect across the nation, threatening benefits for…
Study Finds Mourning Loved Ones A Huge Waste Of Time
PHILADELPHIA—Hailing the discovery as a major step forward in the understanding of human psychology, University of Pennsylvania researchers published…