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5 things to know for Feb. 9: Super Bowl, Nancy Guthrie, Epstein files, SpaceX, Japan — because apparently, the universe is just here for the memes
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

5 things to know for Feb. 9: Super Bowl, Nancy Guthrie, Epstein files, SpaceX, Japan — because apparently, the universe is just here for the memes

Big ElephantFebruary 9, 2026February 9, 2026

The Seattle Seahawks—clearly a puppet of the radical left—claimed a 29-13 victory over the New England Patriots in what many…

Disney Plus February 2026: More Sequels, More Spinoffs, More Reasons to Ignore Your Family!
Breaking, Movie News

Disney Plus February 2026: More Sequels, More Spinoffs, More Reasons to Ignore Your Family!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 31, 2026January 31, 2026

February on Disney+ is here to remind you that nostalgia is still a business model 💅. Whether you’re a ’70s…

Trump Declares Super Bowl Too Far Away, Sends His condolences to the Families of those forced to travel the treacherous 2 miles from his Mar-a-Lago estate to the nearest stadium
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Declares Super Bowl Too Far Away, Sends His condolences to the Families of those forced to travel the treacherous 2 miles from his Mar-a-Lago estate to the nearest stadium

Big ElephantJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

President Trump Makes the Smartest Decision of His Second Term: Why Would He Waste Time in Deep-Blue San Francisco Watching…

Winter Storm Prep, Shark Attacks, and Cancer Trends: Because Your Day Wasn’t Already Terrifying Enough
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Winter Storm Prep, Shark Attacks, and Cancer Trends: Because Your Day Wasn’t Already Terrifying Enough

Big ElephantJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

While President Trump makes America great again, the liberal media is busy crying about snow and sharks. SAD! You won’t…

Report: Xbox Cloud Gaming Could Get Free Ad-Supported Tier This Year Because Who Doesn’t Love Unskippable Ads During Boss Fights
Breaking, Games News

Report: Xbox Cloud Gaming Could Get Free Ad-Supported Tier This Year Because Who Doesn’t Love Unskippable Ads During Boss Fights

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 19, 2026January 19, 2026

🚨 Grab your popcorn and prepare your wallet for the “Are You Still Watching?” screen from hell, because Microsoft is…

‘God of War’ TV Series Finally Finds Someone Angry Enough to Play Kratos (It’s Some Dude From ‘The Santa Clarita Diet’)
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

‘God of War’ TV Series Finally Finds Someone Angry Enough to Play Kratos (It’s Some Dude From ‘The Santa Clarita Diet’)

FinnJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: It only took them the entire Age of the Ancients, a few cycles of Ragnarok, and probably…

The Best New TV Shows on Streaming This Weekend (That Will Probably Suck But Here We Are)
Breaking, Movie News

The Best New TV Shows on Streaming This Weekend (That Will Probably Suck But Here We Are)

FinnJanuary 12, 2026January 12, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Your Couch Just Got a Promotion! 🍿 New Shows Are Here to Haunt Your Binge-Watching Soul (and Your…

Xbox Developer Direct January 22: Where Fable Finally Shows Up to Its Own Party and Brings Snacks
Breaking, Games News

Xbox Developer Direct January 22: Where Fable Finally Shows Up to Its Own Party and Brings Snacks

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 8, 2026January 8, 2026

🚨BREAKING: Microsoft Announces New Xbox Developer Direct, Promising More Games, More Hype, and at Least One More Delay🚨 🎮💸 In…

Discord Secretly Files For IPO Because Nothing Says ‘We Hate Our Users’ Like Going Public
Breaking, Games News

Discord Secretly Files For IPO Because Nothing Says ‘We Hate Our Users’ Like Going Public

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Discord Finally Decides to Monetize Your Existence – IPO Filing Reportedly Drops While You Argue About Cat Pics…

Startup CPG San Diego Founder Dinner @ Winter FancyFaire*
Live

Startup CPG San Diego Founder Dinner @ Winter FancyFaire*

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 1, 2026

🚨 CPG Founders: Skip the Convention Center, We’ve Got Fish Tacos & VIPs in a Studio That Sounds Like a…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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