Just when you thought it was safe to budget your monthly expenses, Disney has announced that it’s raising the prices of its Disney+ and Hulu streaming services. Because, you know, $12.99 just wasn’t enough to cover the costs of all those Marvel shows and nostalgic reboots. The Disney+ and Hulu bundle with ads will remain at $12.99, but if you want to go ad-free, you’ll now have to shell out $21.49 a month for either Disney+ or Hulu, which is a whopping $2.50 increase. And if you want the ad-free bundle that combines both services, that’ll set you back $21.99, a whole $2 more than before.
And because Disney loves you, they’re also increasing the price of their individual streaming services with ads. So, if you want to watch The Mandalorian and Grogu’s adventures with the occasional commercial break, you’ll now have to pay $12.49. It’s not like you have any other options or anything. I mean, who needs affordable entertainment when you can have slightly-less-affordable entertainment, right?
Streaming Services: The New Utility Bills
It’s worth noting that this is the fourth year in a row that Disney has raised its prices. Because, you know, the cost of producing all that “original content” isn’t going to pay for itself. And Disney’s not the only one guilty of this. Netflix raised its prices back in March, with its basic plan with ads going up to $8.99 a month and its premium subscription increasing to $26.99. And let’s not forget HBO Max, which raised its prices last October. It’s like they’re trying to make us all feel like we’re paying for a second phone plan or something.
It’s not like the streaming wars have created a culture of competition that drives innovation and lower prices or anything. Nope, instead, it’s just a never-ending cycle of price hikes and “exclusive content” that’s only exclusive because you have to pay for it. But hey, at least we’re getting more content than ever before, right? I mean, who needs quality when you can have quantity?
The Nostalgia Harvest: Because You Clearly Didn’t Learn Your Lesson the First Time
Of course, the real question is, will people actually pay these inflated prices? And the answer is, probably. I mean, we’re talking about a generation of consumers who have been conditioned to pay top dollar for stuff they don’t really need. It’s like we’re all just mindless drones, shuffling from one streaming service to the next, chasing the latest “must-see” show or movie. And the studios are just happy to oblige, churning out remake after reboot after sequel, all in the name of “giving the people what they want.”
But what do the people really want? Do they want to pay more for the same old thing, or do they want something new and original? Probably the latter, but who knows? Maybe we’re all just doomed to repeat the same cycle of nostalgia-fueled consumption, forever trapped in a never-ending loop of reboots and sequels. Somewhere, a focus group is earning another bonus, and marketing departments are declaring history to be “made.” Again.
And so, the Content Mines remain fully operational, churning out “exclusive content” and nostalgia-fueled reboots, all designed to separate you from your hard-earned cash. But hey, at least we’re getting some great new TV shows and movies out of it, right? I mean, who needs originality when you can have familiarity? It’s not like Hollywood has mistaken familiarity for originality or anything. Oh wait, that’s exactly what’s happening.
In the end, it’s just another day in the world of streaming, where the only constant is change, and the only thing that’s always true is that you’ll be paying more for it. So, go ahead and update your budget, folks. It’s time to shell out even more cash for the privilege of watching your favorite shows and movies. Because, you know, that’s what it’s all about: the privilege of being entertained. And if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll even get to see some new, original content. But probably not.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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