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Tag: Features

Finally, a Win for Grim Reaper: Child Deaths Outnumber Birthdays for First Time in 25 Years!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Finally, a Win for Grim Reaper: Child Deaths Outnumber Birthdays for First Time in 25 Years!

Big ElephantFebruary 6, 2026February 6, 2026

Another Fake Crisis? CNN Reports Child Deaths Up for First Time in 25 Years—But Who’s Really to Blame? In what…

Legendary NWOBHM Band MORE Unleashes ‘Spirits Of War’ Single Because Why Not, ‘Destructor’ Album Incoming to Save Your Playlist
Breaking, Music News

Legendary NWOBHM Band MORE Unleashes ‘Spirits Of War’ Single Because Why Not, ‘Destructor’ Album Incoming to Save Your Playlist

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 5, 2026February 5, 2026

Attention, headbangers and vinyl collectors: MORE is back to remind you that they’ve been here all along, probably lifting weights…

LITA FORD And DIO DISCIPLES To Ruin 2026 ‘Rock For Ronnie’ Event In Los Angeles
Breaking, Live, Music News

LITA FORD And DIO DISCIPLES To Ruin 2026 ‘Rock For Ronnie’ Event In Los Angeles

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 4, 2026February 4, 2026

Oh look, it’s that time of year again when Los Angeles briefly stops pretending to care about new music and…

VOIVOD Finally Doing Something New, But Only After Sounding Like They’re in a Sci-Fi Opera With a Symphony
Breaking, Music News

VOIVOD Finally Doing Something New, But Only After Sounding Like They’re in a Sci-Fi Opera With a Symphony

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 4, 2026February 4, 2026

Well, look who’s finally decided to crawl out of their sci-fi bunker and grace us with their presence — it’s…

“Mastering the Fine Art of Schmoozing: How to Pretend You Care About People for Profit”
Live

“Mastering the Fine Art of Schmoozing: How to Pretend You Care About People for Profit”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 4, 2026

Attention, ladies! Seats are limited—because apparently, too many smart women in one Zoom room might cause a power surge. Jan…

Netflix’s Antitrust Hearing Turns Into Epic Battle Over ‘Wokeness’—Because Nothing Says Competition Like a Culture War!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Netflix’s Antitrust Hearing Turns Into Epic Battle Over ‘Wokeness’—Because Nothing Says Competition Like a Culture War!

Big ElephantFebruary 3, 2026February 3, 2026

Netflix Exec Grilled by MAGA Senators Over ‘Woke’ Content — Because Apparently Conservatives Can’t Handle Different Opinions Netflix co-CEO Ted…

President’s Epic Threat to Sanctuary Cities Fades into Oblivion Like His Approval Ratings
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

President’s Epic Threat to Sanctuary Cities Fades into Oblivion Like His Approval Ratings

Big ElephantFebruary 3, 2026February 3, 2026

Yet Another Fake Crisis as President Trump’s Sanctuary City Deadline Comes and Goes The radical leftist propaganda machine at CNN…

WWE 2K26: The Game That’ll Make You Question Your Life Choices and Possibly Your Wrestling Career Dreams
Breaking, Games News

WWE 2K26: The Game That’ll Make You Question Your Life Choices and Possibly Your Wrestling Career Dreams

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 1, 2026February 1, 2026

CM Punk Is Finally Back In WWE 2K26 – But Only In Video Game Form Oh look, CM Punk is…

Nintendo Unleashes Epic Rant About Dispatch’s Cringe Censorship on Switch—Brace Yourselves, Gamers!
Breaking, Games News

Nintendo Unleashes Epic Rant About Dispatch’s Cringe Censorship on Switch—Brace Yourselves, Gamers!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 30, 2026January 30, 2026

Oh no, not another Switch censorship controversy! 🎮❌ The internet is ablaze with hot takes after AdHoc Studio’s Dispatch launched…

Crimson Desert’s Open-World So Big, You’ll Forget Your Own Name While Traversing It
Breaking, Music News

Crimson Desert’s Open-World So Big, You’ll Forget Your Own Name While Traversing It

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 30, 2026January 30, 2026

Pearl Abyss Drops Massive New Look at Crimson Desert, And It’s Basically Skyrim With Jetpacks Well, folks, Pearl Abyss just…

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  • Ariana Grande Plays Barclays Center Get Last Minute Tickets Now

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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