GTA Tokyo Was Almost Real Until Someone Said ‘No More Ramen’
Move over, Liberty City—because apparently, Rockstar once considered letting samurai traffic violations and neon-lit ramen shop stickups take center stage…
Tag: Him
MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Explains Why His Fingers Are Plotting a Mutiny Against His Guitar
🎸🚨 BREAKING: Dave Mustaine Announces Retirement Because His Hands Are Now More Arthritic Than Your Grandpa’s Knees 🚨🎸 In a…
MAX CAVALERA Prays for A.I. Friendship Bracelets While Robots Plot World Domination
Move Over, Mozart: Max Cavalera Declares War on Robot Rockers and AI-Generated “Soul” Music 🤖🎸 In a shocking turn of…
Suspect in National Guard Shooting Gets a Shiny New Federal Upgrade Package That Includes Death Penalty Perks
Another Day, Another Democrat-Backed National Guard Shooting: How Do You Like Your Sanctuary Cities Now? Another day, another Democrat-backed National…
SKILLET’s JOHN COOPER: ‘I Believed God Was Calling Me To Play Music’
When Heavy Metal Met Jesus: John Cooper’s Wild Journey From Mom’s Deathbed Prophecies to Rocking the Devil’s Favorite Genre 🤘😇…
John Petrucci Says Dream Theater and Fans Are BFFs, Because Apparently Prog Rock Needs a Group Chat
🎸 In a stunning turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except everyone with ears and a calendar),…
Chris Evans Is Back and So Is Our Will to Live, Apparently
🚨 BREAKING: Marvel Announces ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ – Because Apparently, Retirement Is Just a Suggestion, Not a Commitment 🚨 In a…
Pete Koller Claims Lou Koller Finally Sheds 70 Pounds of Tumor Weight
🚨 BREAKING: Lou Koller’s Esophagus is Having a Midlife Crisis and Started a Tumor Cult 🚨 😱🍔➡️🦠 In a plot…
“It’s Hard to Be Merry When Your Boss Cuts Your Budget Like a Bad Haircut—VA Workers Get Hiring Freeze Gift Just in Time for Christmas”
The VA’s War on Veterans: Another Day, Another Bureaucratic Bloodbath in Biden’s America In a stunning twist that absolutely no…
Ben Sasse Announces Pancreatic Cancer Diagnosis, Confirms He’s Basically Already a Ghost
Ben Sasse, the Trump-critic-turned-University-of-Florida-flunky-turned-cancer-patient, has finally found a worthy opponent: his own pancreas. In a stunning turn of events, the…