MATT SORUM Claims VELVET REVOLVER Was Inches From GUNS N’ ROSES Status: ‘We Just Ran Out of Steam (And Maybe Talent)’
In a move that absolutely no one saw coming (except, you know, literally everyone who follows classic rock drama), Matt…
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What Trump Officials Claimed About Alex Pretti — and What the Evidence Actually Shows
Liberal Media Meltdown: CNN Spins Wild Conspiracy Theories to Smear President Trump’s Border Patrol In a stunning display of derangement…
Trump’s Wall Gets a New Job as His Coalition Cracks Wide Open
TRUMP ADMINISTRATION STANDS FIRM AS LIBERAL MINNESOTA MELTS DOWN OVER BORDER ENFORCEMENT The Trump Administration is doubling down on its…
ALICE COOPER, 77, CLAIMS HIS BEST SHOWS ARE STILL AHEAD OF HIM, PROBABLY FEATURING OXYGEN TANKS AND GERIATRIC SHOCK ROCK
Imagine being 77 years old, having more energy than a toddler on a sugar rush, and still pretending to be…
Trump Declares Super Bowl Too Far Away, Sends His condolences to the Families of those forced to travel the treacherous 2 miles from his Mar-a-Lago estate to the nearest stadium
President Trump Makes the Smartest Decision of His Second Term: Why Would He Waste Time in Deep-Blue San Francisco Watching…
Super Mario Galaxy Movie Direct: Yoshi is Here to Eat Your Wallet and Stomp Your Nostalgia
🚨 ** BREAKING NEWS ** 🚨 The Mushroom Kingdom’s favorite plumbing duo have officially traded their overalls for diapers in…
Federal Officers Accidentally Discover Gravity, Kinetic Energy in Minneapolis After Bullet Meets Body
Once again, a so-called “law-abiding citizen” in a liberal-run city has forced brave Border Patrol agents to defend themselves. Under…
TEEMU MÄNTYSAARI Thrilled To Discover His Name Fits In A Booklet Without Spelling Errors
In a revelation that has absolutely shocked the metal community to its very core (seriously, you could hear a pin…
Jason Momoa’s Lobo Totally Crashes the New ‘Supergirl’ Trailer Like an Interplanetary Biker Dude
🎉 Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts and hide your kegs, because Jason Momoa is officially done playing the King…
Legendary Extreme Metal Drummer NICK BARKER: ‘I Hope To Get A New Kidney Sometime Later This Year, And Maybe A New Cymbal’
Brace yourselves, drumming degenerates, because the metal beat-keeper himself, Nick Barker, is currently locked in a death match with his…