Charli XCX’s Brain Explodes With Genius Idea for Final Destination Sequel (And We’re Totally Not Rolling Our Eyes)
Dear, oh dear, are we seriously calling this the *Final Destination* summer? 🙄 Like, hasn’t death been trendy since, like,…
Tag: horror
Online Gaming: A Playground for Future Felons
Alright gamers, gather ’round because we’re about to dive headfirst into the totally not-scary world of online gaming for kids!…
PATRIK JENSEN of THE HAUNTED Finally Figured Out How to Plug In His Guitar After 8 Whole Years
So, THE HAUNTED, those Swedish thrash metal *pioneers* (air quotes, obviously), are FINALLY gracing us with a new album, “Songs…
Lou Koller FINALLY Admits He’s Not Dying (For Now)
Alright, listen up, ya bunch of whiny internet trolls! Lou Koller, the screechy frontman of those geriatric hardcore legends, SICK…
Disturbed Finds 110,897 People Who Still Own CD Players on “The Sickness” Victory Lap
Alright, metalheads and casual listeners (we see you!), let’s talk about DISTURBED and their groundbreaking, earth-shattering, life-altering (yeah, right) “The…
Borderlands 4: Give Us All Your Money, You Pathetic Vault Hunter
So, apparently, some whiny “fans” are clutching their wallets tighter than a goblin guarding its gold because *Borderlands 4* might…
Bill Ward’s Back on the Airwaves? Oh, Joy
So, apparently, Bill Ward, yes, THAT Bill Ward, the one who wasn’t quite up to snuff for the “final” Sabbath…
Josh Freese’s EXCLUSIVE List of “Top 10 Reasons” Foo Fighters REALLY Fired Him (Spoiler Alert: It Involves Dave Grohl’s Underwear)
Okay, so like, 🙄 Josh Freese, who apparently thought he was hot stuff, 🙄 has graced us with a list…
So you think your phone’s already peak performance? Think again, buttercup 🤣, ’cause these totally essential accessories will *definitely* make it…slightly less terrible. 🙄
Okay, listen up, sheeple! 🐑 You think you need a smartphone to survive? Newsflash: pigeons navigated the world for centuries…
DAVID ELLEFSON Thinks Bands Should Talk About Money (Like He Did) So They Don’t, You Know, EXPLODE LATER
So, apparently, Dave Ellefson, the guy who got booted from Megadeth faster than you can say “leaked nudes,” and Burton…