Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: ILL

Tarantino Play Gets Premiere Date Because You Clearly Needed More
Breaking, Movie News

Tarantino Play Gets Premiere Date Because You Clearly Needed More

FinnOctober 13, 2026October 13, 2026

Quentin Tarantino is writing and directing his first play, The Popinjay Cavalier, because what the world really needed was another…

Starbucks Shrinks Stores Because Who Needs Personal Space Anyway
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Starbucks Shrinks Stores Because Who Needs Personal Space Anyway

Big ElephantOctober 6, 2026

I’m sipping on my coffee, reading about Starbucks’ new plan to recapture its roots as a cozy spot to grab…

Brent Hinds’s Estate Sues Mastodon Because Of Course They Did
Breaking, Music News

Brent Hinds’s Estate Sues Mastodon Because Of Course They Did

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 12, 2026September 12, 2026

Oh no, the metal world is imploding! 🤯 MASTODON is being sued by the estate of their former band member…

Teleprompter Guy Knows Scripts Better Than Stock Market Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Teleprompter Guy Knows Scripts Better Than Stock Market Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 28, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news, and folks, this one’s a doozy. The Trump administration has…

Corey Taylor and some other old dudes play War Pigs for rich people
Breaking, Music News

Corey Taylor and some other old dudes play War Pigs for rich people

Chord F. DiscordAugust 27, 2026August 27, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? I just spilled my beer all over my desk because…

Lindsay Clancy Trial Finally Wraps Up Testimony
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lindsay Clancy Trial Finally Wraps Up Testimony

Big ElephantAugust 26, 2026

I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about the Lindsay Clancy trial, and I have to say, it’s a real…

Tricolor Execs Accused of Turbocharging Fraud with Subprime Shenanigans
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tricolor Execs Accused of Turbocharging Fraud with Subprime Shenanigans

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the $1.9 billion collapse of subprime auto lender Tricolor, and I have to…

A24 Steps in to Monetize Someone Else’s Viral Idea Again Apparently
Breaking, Movie News

A24 Steps in to Monetize Someone Else’s Viral Idea Again Apparently

FinnJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

In a bizarre incident that has left the internet scratching its head, a digital artist’s Backrooms-inspired artwork on Redbubble was…

PEAK Team Suddenly Decides to be Nice and Supports Make-A-Wish Because Who Needs Profits Anyway with a Totally Not Desperate Limited-Time Game Collection
Breaking, Games News

PEAK Team Suddenly Decides to be Nice and Supports Make-A-Wish Because Who Needs Profits Anyway with a Totally Not Desperate Limited-Time Game Collection

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 28, 2026April 28, 2026

Oh great, another opportunity for gamers to feel good about themselves while playing video games 🙄. The team behind the…

FEAR FACTORY’s DINO CAZARES SHUTS DOOR ON Ex-Members: ‘Chapter Closed Forever, No Key Under Mat’
FEAR FACTORY's Dino Cazares is done with his ex-bandmates, and he wants everyone to know it—preferably without getting angry emails about it
Breaking, Music News

FEAR FACTORY’s DINO CAZARES SHUTS DOOR ON Ex-Members: ‘Chapter Closed Forever, No Key Under Mat’

Chord F. DiscordMarch 1, 2026March 1, 2026

FEAR FACTORY’s founding guitarist Dino Cazares has officially closed the door on working with any former members of the band,…

Posts pagination

1 2 … 4 Next

Latest posts

  • LEGALIZER: Sock‑Sandwich Gets the Federal Grandstand
  • Family Shooting Survival Streak Continues Uninterrupted For Generations Apparently
  • GOP Spends Big on Crime Ads Without Victims’ Consent Apparently
  • War Remains Trump’s Playground Regardless Of Midterm Outcome
  • Federal Judge To Trump Admin: Stop Guessing Who’s Not American

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.