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States Prep to Hijack Supreme Court’s Redistricting Ruling as Midterms Clock Ticks Down
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

States Prep to Hijack Supreme Court’s Redistricting Ruling as Midterms Clock Ticks Down

Big ElephantFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Deep State Plot to Kill Voting Rights Act! Liberal Judges Trying to Rig Elections for Democrats! Hold onto your MAGA…

Zelensky Drops Bombshell at Munich: Putin’s Life Support is Apparently War
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Zelensky Drops Bombshell at Munich: Putin’s Life Support is Apparently War

Big ElephantFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

Oh, look! Zelensky is back with his sad slideshow of “Russia bad” at the Munich Security Conference. Because nothing says…

NANCY WILSON’S LAST HEART ALBUM: THE VICTORY LAP BEGINS IN 2027 (BECAUSE 2026 WAS TOO SOON)
HEART's Nancy Wilson: "I've Got Songs, But I'm Also Tired of Sleeping on Tour Buses"
Breaking, Music News

NANCY WILSON’S LAST HEART ALBUM: THE VICTORY LAP BEGINS IN 2027 (BECAUSE 2026 WAS TOO SOON)

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 14, 2026February 14, 2026

In a shocking twist that absolutely no one saw coming, HEART guitarist Nancy Wilson has revealed she’s working on new…

Events

Lunar Lantern Festival – People Light Up the Sky with Thousands of Floating Lanterns Because Apparently the Moon Needs More Light

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Lunar Lantern Festival: Where Dreams Go Up in Smoke! Join us for the most environmentally questionable event of 2026! Watch…

Events

“Chocoholics Unite: NYC’s 2026 Salon du Chocolat Promises to Melt Your Wallet and Your Diet”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Attention, chocoholics! 🍫 Get ready for the most important event of your life (or at least your sweet tooth’s life)!…

“Power Hour: The Epic Saga of the Accounting Officer – Where Spreadsheets Meet Glory”
Events

“Power Hour: The Epic Saga of the Accounting Officer – Where Spreadsheets Meet Glory”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Attention, Accounting Officer Wannabes! 💼 Ready to master the art of bean-counting and bureaucracy? This “power hour” promises to unravel…

Events

SILENT DISCO @ DRAKE’S THE BARN: BECAUSE SHOUTING “TURN IT DOWN” IS SO 2023

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 14, 2026

Sacramento’s SILENT DISCO at Drake’s The Barn: 3 music channels by H.E.R.E., ALORE, & Twelves Wax. FREE entry w/ RSVP!…

“Welcome to the Hormonal Circus: Neurodivergence Meets Midlife Burnout in a Spectacular Display of Chaos”
Events

“Welcome to the Hormonal Circus: Neurodivergence Meets Midlife Burnout in a Spectacular Display of Chaos”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 13, 2026

🚨 Neurodivergent Women, Your Brain Is Staging a Midlife Revolt! 🚨 Ever feel like your brain suddenly went on strike?…

Deep Water Watch: When Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley Realize Sharks Are the Real MVPs
Breaking, Movie News

Deep Water Watch: When Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley Realize Sharks Are the Real MVPs

FinnFebruary 13, 2026February 13, 2026

Oh great, another movie where people survive a plane crash only to realize they’re now the main course in a…

Monster Hunter Stories 3 Devs Stole Their Turn-Based Combat Ideas from Metaphor and Expedition 33 Because Why Not?
Capcom Spies on Successful RPGs, Shrugs, Says "We Can Do That Too"
Breaking, Games News

Monster Hunter Stories 3 Devs Stole Their Turn-Based Combat Ideas from Metaphor and Expedition 33 Because Why Not?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 13, 2026February 13, 2026

Oh, look! The geniuses behind Monster Hunter Stories 3: Twisted Reflection have discovered something revolutionary: modern RPGs exist and people…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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