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How to Build an AI System That Saves You Hours Every Week
Events

How to Build an AI System That Saves You Hours Every Week

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 8, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Humans Still Can’t Remember Their Own Passwords, So AI Will Now Do It For Them 🤖 In a…

Heike Meyer’s Sourdough Boot Camp Where Your Starter Gets a PhD and You Get Bread envy
Events

Heike Meyer’s Sourdough Boot Camp Where Your Starter Gets a PhD and You Get Bread envy

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 8, 2026

🥐🚨BREAKING: Bread Wizard Heike Meyer to Teach Mortals the Secrets of Sourdough Sorcery (Spoiler: It Involves More Than Just Leaving…

The Elder Scrolls Online Announces 2026 Seasonal Model Because Paying for One Expansion Was Clearly Too Easy
Breaking, Games News

The Elder Scrolls Online Announces 2026 Seasonal Model Because Paying for One Expansion Was Clearly Too Easy

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: The Elder Scrolls Online Just Dumped Its Entire Identity and Replaced It With a Loot Box Casino 🎰💥…

Minneapolis Mayor Breaks Silence on Fatal ICE Shooting—Spoiler Alert: It’s Not About the Weather
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Minneapolis Mayor Breaks Silence on Fatal ICE Shooting—Spoiler Alert: It’s Not About the Weather

Big ElephantJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

Another Leftist Martyr Created by “ICE Nazis” – Because Apparently White Supremacists Can’t Even Shoot Straight Anymore In a stunning…

House Oversight Hearing on Minnesota Fraud Allegations Turns Into Shouting Match Theater and Partisan Soap Opera. Here Are the Hilarious Takeaways
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

House Oversight Hearing on Minnesota Fraud Allegations Turns Into Shouting Match Theater and Partisan Soap Opera. Here Are the Hilarious Takeaways

Big ElephantJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

Minnesota Democrats Got Caught With Their Hands in the Cookie Jar – Again! In a stunning turn of events that…

DHS: Woman Tried to Turn ICE Officers Into Roadkill in Minneapolis, Then Things Got Bullet-y
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

DHS: Woman Tried to Turn ICE Officers Into Roadkill in Minneapolis, Then Things Got Bullet-y

Big ElephantJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

President Trump, the undisputed king of truth and justice, has once again proven why he’s the only one who can…

Trump officials hustle to pitch Venezuela scheme to eye-rolling lawmakers and oil barons who’d rather drink crude than believe this nonsense
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump officials hustle to pitch Venezuela scheme to eye-rolling lawmakers and oil barons who’d rather drink crude than believe this nonsense

Big ElephantJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

Trump’s Venezuela Oil Heist: When ‘Making America Great Again’ Means Stealing Everyone Else’s Stuff In a move that would make…

NIHR Career Ladder: Climbing the Research Ranks Without a Safety Net
Events

NIHR Career Ladder: Climbing the Research Ranks Without a Safety Net

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 7, 2026

🚨BREAKING: NIHR summons research peasants to a 3.5-hour webinar to hear how you too can become a ‘starving academic’! 🚨…

Warner Bros. Discovery board tells Paramount to take its revamped hostile takeover bid and shove it
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Warner Bros. Discovery board tells Paramount to take its revamped hostile takeover bid and shove it

Big ElephantJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

Warner Bros. Discovery’s woke board once again spurns the evil capitalist Ellison family’s cash, choosing Netflix’s woke streaming agenda instead…

X-Men crash Avengers: Doomsday like that awkward family reunion you never wanted
Breaking, Movie News

X-Men crash Avengers: Doomsday like that awkward family reunion you never wanted

FinnJanuary 7, 2026January 7, 2026

Marvel has officially released the X-Men teaser for Avengers: Doomsday, and honestly, the only thing more chaotic than the plot…

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Latest posts

  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Traffic Jam of the Year at 2026 FuelFest Bay Area
  • Because Hackers Love Homework Too Let’s Strengthen K-12 Cybersecurity Already
  • Media Molecule’s Next Game Will Probably Be a Reboot of Knack with a Battle Royale Mode and a Subscription Service
  • Logitech Finally Creates Products That Won’t Give You Carpal Tunnel After 5 Minutes Of Use Maybe
  • MARK MORTON Still Shocked Nobody Has Copied LAMB OF GOD’s Unique Sound After Only 25 Years of Being Totally Original and Not At All Influenced by Anyone Else

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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