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The 15 Movies Hollywood Thinks Will Distract You From the Impending Apocalypse
Breaking, Movie News

The 15 Movies Hollywood Thinks Will Distract You From the Impending Apocalypse

FinnDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

2026: The Year Hollywood Decided to Throw a $2 Billion Birthday Party for Itself (And Accidentally Invited Us) Ah yes,…

The Most Expensive Disasters of 2025
Breaking, Movie News

The Most Expensive Disasters of 2025

FinnDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

2025 was a cinematic dumpster fire wrapped in a CGI explosion and served with a side of “but the algorithm…

The Justice Department’s Epstein Files Drop: A Masterclass in Paperwork Procrastination
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Justice Department’s Epstein Files Drop: A Masterclass in Paperwork Procrastination

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

Another Day, Another Clinton Scandal Leak – And the Deep State Gets an “F” for Incompetence Well, well, well. The…

Jackal Today in 2025: 100 Gigs, 5 Fests, Dozens of Bands & Tons of Booze!
Videos

Jackal Today in 2025: 100 Gigs, 5 Fests, Dozens of Bands & Tons of Booze!

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 29, 2025

What a year! We have been filming this shit for you all across the US and Europe, and it was…

Americans in 1998 Tried to Predict 2025 and Somehow Missed the Part About Us All Living in a Simulated Reality Run by Sentient Toaster Ovens
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Americans in 1998 Tried to Predict 2025 and Somehow Missed the Part About Us All Living in a Simulated Reality Run by Sentient Toaster Ovens

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

’98 Pollsters Predicted Biden Would Steal 2020 and Run America Into the Ground – Shockingly Accurate! In a stunning display…

Trump Brags About Accidentally Nuking a Taco Stand During Venezuela ‘Operation
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Brags About Accidentally Nuking a Taco Stand During Venezuela ‘Operation

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

Trump Nukes Venezuelan “Big Plant” – Turns Out It Was Just Hugo Chavez’s Old Taco Stand In a stunning display…

Watch: TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA Tries To Make OZZY OSBOURNE Sound Classy With A ‘Changes’ Cover That Even Your Grandma Could Enjoy
Breaking, Music News

Watch: TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA Tries To Make OZZY OSBOURNE Sound Classy With A ‘Changes’ Cover That Even Your Grandma Could Enjoy

Chord F. DiscordDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA Just Dropped a Black Sabbath Mash-Up So Epic, Even the Dead Are Headbanging 🤖❄️🎸 In a move that…

The Barbarians Are Storming Lululemon’s Yoga Studio and Demanding Matching Leggings
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Barbarians Are Storming Lululemon’s Yoga Studio and Demanding Matching Leggings

Big ElephantDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

Chip Wilson Declares War on Lululemon’s Woke Fashion Failures, Blames Liberals for Leggings Losing Their Mojo In a stunning turn…

Ubisoft Insists Everything’s Fine While Rainbow Six Siege Players Accidentally Buy Infinite Coffee with Stolen Currency
Breaking, Games News

Ubisoft Insists Everything’s Fine While Rainbow Six Siege Players Accidentally Buy Infinite Coffee with Stolen Currency

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Ubisoft Claims No Data Was Breached… But Your Wallet Definitely Was! 🚨 In a stunning turn of events…

‘Malcolm in the Middle’ Trailer Finally Explains Why We All Have Trust Issues
Breaking, Movie News

‘Malcolm in the Middle’ Trailer Finally Explains Why We All Have Trust Issues

FinnDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Malcolm in the Middle Returns to Remind Us That Life is Still Unfair… Especially for People Who Thought…

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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