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Cronos: Dawn Breaks, Switch 2 Shakes (and Probably Still Fakes)
Breaking, Games News

Cronos: Dawn Breaks, Switch 2 Shakes (and Probably Still Fakes)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

Oh, sweet gamers, prepare yourselves for the most thrilling, groundbreaking, and totally-not-derivative experience of the decade! Cronos: The New Dawn,…

U.S. Envoy Witkoff, bless his heart, tries Middle East diplomacy again!
Elephant Reads CNN

U.S. Envoy Witkoff, bless his heart, tries Middle East diplomacy again!

Big ElephantJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

Another Deep State plot brewing in the Middle East! Witkoff, probably a Soros puppet, is off to Israel for “diplomacy.”…

Silent Hill F: The Horror Game So Realistic, Even Mother Nature Threw a Hissy Fit
Breaking, Games News

Silent Hill F: The Horror Game So Realistic, Even Mother Nature Threw a Hissy Fit

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

So, the geniuses behind Silent Hill f, in their infinite wisdom, decided that the *real* Silent Hill (you know, the…

‘Gremlins 3’ Script: Spielberg’s Napping, We’re Waiting
Breaking, Movie News

‘Gremlins 3’ Script: Spielberg’s Napping, We’re Waiting

FinnJuly 31, 2025July 30, 2025

Oh, joy! 🎉 Another Gremlins sequel is supposedly on the horizon because, let’s be honest, Hollywood is just brimming with…

Nuremberg: Witness Rusty Crowe, Random Malek, and Mike Shannon in a Sneak Peek of the Nuremberg LOLs
Breaking

Nuremberg: Witness Rusty Crowe, Random Malek, and Mike Shannon in a Sneak Peek of the Nuremberg LOLs

FinnJuly 31, 2025July 30, 2025

This forty-second teaser trailer reveals Academy Award® winner Russell Crowe’s performance as Hermann Göring in this thought-provoking historical drama for…

History of Snooze-fest: Paul Mescal & Josh O’Connor Star in Guaranteed Nap-Inducing Trailer
Breaking, Movie News

History of Snooze-fest: Paul Mescal & Josh O’Connor Star in Guaranteed Nap-Inducing Trailer

FinnJuly 31, 2025July 30, 2025

The History of Sound, or as I like to call it, “Two Dudes With Microphones,” is brought to you by…

High Noon Recalls Seltzer Because Apparently Some People Can’t Tell the Difference Between Vodka and an Energy Drink
Elephant Reads CNN

High Noon Recalls Seltzer Because Apparently Some People Can’t Tell the Difference Between Vodka and an Energy Drink

Big ElephantJuly 31, 2025July 30, 2025

Folks, can you believe this? High Noon, probably infiltrated by woke leftists, is recalling their vodka seltzer because some cans…

Lou Gramm FINALLY Realizes He Can Still Milk Those Foreigner Hits For Cash
Breaking, Music News

Lou Gramm FINALLY Realizes He Can Still Milk Those Foreigner Hits For Cash

Chord F. DiscordJuly 31, 2025July 30, 2025

In a recent chit-chat with the illustrious Ryan Vacey, a dude who takes photos and hosts the earth-shattering Beyond The…

Atlanta’s ‘Beltline Kevin’: More Famous Than Your Mom
Elephant Reads CNN

Atlanta’s ‘Beltline Kevin’: More Famous Than Your Mom

Big ElephantJuly 31, 2025July 30, 2025

Oh, goodie, another puff piece from CNN! This time, they’re fawning over some rollerblading, singing weirdo in Atlanta. You just…

Trump Slaps Brazil with a Whopping 50% Tariff Because Reasons
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Slaps Brazil with a Whopping 50% Tariff Because Reasons

Big ElephantJuly 31, 2025July 30, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump! He’s slapping a whopping 50% tariff on Brazil because those commie socialists are…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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