EPICA Releases New Single ‘Avatar – The Final Incarnation’ and It’s Not Even the Sequel
In a shocking turn of events that nobody saw coming (except their entire fanbase, their label, and literally everyone with…
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Disney and OpenAI Just Made A Deal To Make Sora Into The Next Mickey Mouse
In a move that has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry (and probably a few existential crises through the animatronic…
HHS & CMS Host an Online Happy Hour and J29 Is Paying for It
🚨 BREAKING: Government Bureaucrats Finally Discover Alcohol in Historic Virtual Summit 🍻💻 In an unprecedented move that’s shocking absolutely no…
Chicago’s Drunkest Holiday Parade where 12 bars become one giant eggnog nightmare
🚨 LAST CHANCE TO PRE-DRINK FOR YOURSELF, LOSER! 🍻 Your wristband awaits at Murphy’s Bleachers (aka Wrigleyville’s most overpriced gift…
Uncle Sam Is Desperate to Fund Your Business (Here’s How to Cash In)
🎪 Don’t miss Canada’s government “treasure hunt” for entrepreneurs! 🏰💰 On Dec 11, 2025 at 11 am ET, we’ll teach…
Executive Functioning Issues Explained: A Guide for People Who Still Can’t Find Their Keys
🚨 BREAKING: Susan Brooks Finally Cracks the Code on Why Your Kid Can’t Find Their Homework 🚨 📅 Feb 28,…
Trump crashes Warner Bros. drama, demands CNN be auctioned off like last season’s leftovers
In a stunning and totally unexpected move, President Donald J. Trump, the greatest president in history and possibly all of…
Exclusive: Trump’s FEMA Council to Suggest Agency Slashes – Turns Out They’re Just Cutting Red Tape (And Maybe a Few Redundant Paper Clips)
In a bold move to rescue America from the bureaucratic nightmare of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, the Trump administration…
Families of Static-X’s Wayne Static and Wife Tera Wray ‘Vehemently Protest’ Unauthorized Documentary Shenanigans
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely nobody saw coming (except, you know, everyone with internet access), the families…
All the ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ Clues in ‘Endgame’ (We’re All Doomed)
🚨 BREAKING: Avengers: Doomsday is literally just Endgame: The Sequel – Because Apparently, We All Have Amnesia 🚨 😂 So,…