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Sam Raimi’s Latest Gore-Splattered Mid-Life Crisis Accidentally Funnier Than Evil Dead 4 Rumors
Breaking, Movie News

Sam Raimi’s Latest Gore-Splattered Mid-Life Crisis Accidentally Funnier Than Evil Dead 4 Rumors

FinnJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

Oh look, it’s another cinematic masterpiece where you can FEEL Sam Raimi sweating onto the lens like a caffeinated gargoyle…

GREAT WHITE’s MARK KENDALL Opens Up About His Stage Four Kidney Cancer Diagnosis: I Was Peeing ‘Actual Blood’ and Woke Up Looking Like a Crime Scene
Breaking, Music News

GREAT WHITE’s MARK KENDALL Opens Up About His Stage Four Kidney Cancer Diagnosis: I Was Peeing ‘Actual Blood’ and Woke Up Looking Like a Crime Scene

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

Great White Shark Mark Kendall Battles Kidney Cancer With A Little Help From His Immune System And A Pen That…

Apresentação do LegiX, a única referência que Jurisprudência e Doutores Jurídicos usam para vender banca
Events

Apresentação do LegiX, a única referência que Jurisprudência e Doutores Jurídicos usam para vender banca

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 25, 2026

Atenção, galera da justiça! 📜 Prepare-se para uma live de 45 minutos no dia 27 de Maio de 2020 às…

Boulder Library Officially Declares War on Hair with Extinction-Level Brush Off
Events

Boulder Library Officially Declares War on Hair with Extinction-Level Brush Off

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 25, 2026

The official guide to finding the most awkward networking opportunities at Boulder Public Library. On Sunday, Jan 25 from 1…

Protein’s Dead, Long Live Fiber Your Gut Microbiome Literally Requires It
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Protein’s Dead, Long Live Fiber Your Gut Microbiome Literally Requires It

Big ElephantJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

Leave it to the liberal mainstream media to hype another soy-filled fad designed to weaken our great nation. CNN is…

Events

85% Sold Out Ken-Y Live Concert and Pre-Valentine’s Day Weekend

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 25, 2026

Get ready for Ken-Y Live in concert at Stereo Nightclub Chicago! CNE, LME, & Stereo Nightclub Present Ken-Y, singing all…

AFC & NFC Championship Sunday Sleepover Where Everyone Pretends to Watch Football While Crying About Refs
Events

AFC & NFC Championship Sunday Sleepover Where Everyone Pretends to Watch Football While Crying About Refs

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 25, 2026

Break out the flannel, because football is finally ready to #FigureYoShitOut. 🏈 On Sunday, January 25, 2026, the Underpass Lounge…

Events

Cafe Misusing “Organic” Label to Sell Hypocritical Lifestyle

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 25, 2026

Ambiente y Cafe is where great cafecito blends with fresh DJ sets and a community full of good vibes! 🎉…

Legendary Extreme Metal Drummer NICK BARKER: ‘I Hope To Get A New Kidney Sometime Later This Year, And Maybe A New Cymbal’
Breaking, Music News

Legendary Extreme Metal Drummer NICK BARKER: ‘I Hope To Get A New Kidney Sometime Later This Year, And Maybe A New Cymbal’

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 24, 2026January 24, 2026

Brace yourselves, drumming degenerates, because the metal beat-keeper himself, Nick Barker, is currently locked in a death match with his…

Wednesday 13 in New York, NY (01/23/2026)
Videos

Wednesday 13 in New York, NY (01/23/2026)

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 24, 2026

Joseph Michael Poole is here! Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of…

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Latest posts

  • Trump’s doc says get moving fatty but he’s totally fine naturally
  • Liberal Erin Brockovich suddenly cares about America’s tech progress somehow
  • Life Coaching for the Hopelessly Lost and Clueless People
  • Get Ready for Another Overpriced Wellness Fad Inner Wisdom Labyrinth Coming to Totally Not Rip You Off This Summer
  • Women Should Totally Settle For Less Because Who Needs Self Respect Anyway

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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