Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: metal

MAX CAVALERA Can’t Handle Lyric Writing: ‘It’s Like Doing Taxes for the Devil’
Breaking, Music News

MAX CAVALERA Can’t Handle Lyric Writing: ‘It’s Like Doing Taxes for the Devil’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Max Cavalera Finally Admits What We All Suspected: Lyrics Are Just Glorified Homework (And He’s Definitely Not Getting an A+)…

AMORPHIS Drops ‘Crowned in Crimson’ Because Apparently Kalevala Needed a Soundtrack From 2008
Breaking, Music News

AMORPHIS Drops ‘Crowned in Crimson’ Because Apparently Kalevala Needed a Soundtrack From 2008

Chord F. DiscordDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Move Over, Hollywood: Amorphis Just Dropped a Power Ballad So Cinematic It Might Actually Summon a Bear From the Kalevala…

Listen: METALLICA’s JAMES HETFIELD Drops Heavy Metal Ornaments on ‘A Visit From St. Nicholas’
Breaking, Music News

Listen: METALLICA’s JAMES HETFIELD Drops Heavy Metal Ornaments on ‘A Visit From St. Nicholas’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

James Hetfield vs. Santa Claus: The Epic Battle for Christmas Supremacy Begins Now (Spoiler: He Wins) 🎸🎅 In a move…

GHOST Teams Up With FEEDLA And SERVE ROBOTICS To Haunt Hungry Inglewood With Surprise Snacks
Breaking, Music News

GHOST Teams Up With FEEDLA And SERVE ROBOTICS To Haunt Hungry Inglewood With Surprise Snacks

Chord F. DiscordDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Ghost’s Skele-Bot Delivers More Than Just Riffs in Inglewood Charity Stunt 🤖🍎 In a move that’s equal parts charitable and…

Carla Harvey Claims She Got the Boot from Butcher Babies—Turns Out Heavy Metal Has a Dress Code
Breaking, Music News

Carla Harvey Claims She Got the Boot from Butcher Babies—Turns Out Heavy Metal Has a Dress Code

Chord F. DiscordDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

Carla Harvey, the Queen of Dramatic Entrances and Exit Strategies, has officially traded screaming into a microphone for screaming into…

Behemoth’s Nergal Explains Why ‘The S*** Ov God’ is Deep Philosophy and Not Just Him Feeling Rebellious After Taco Night
Breaking, Music News

Behemoth’s Nergal Explains Why ‘The S*** Ov God’ is Deep Philosophy and Not Just Him Feeling Rebellious After Taco Night

Chord F. DiscordDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

Behemoth’s Nergal Just Dropped a Truth Bomb So Big, It Summoned a Demon From Target 🤯🔥 In a shocking turn…

Avengers: Doomsday Teaser Breakdown: Every Easter Egg You Missed (Because You Were Too Busy Arguing About the Teaser)
Breaking, Movie News

Avengers: Doomsday Teaser Breakdown: Every Easter Egg You Missed (Because You Were Too Busy Arguing About the Teaser)

FinnDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Steve Rogers Is Still Alive, Apparently, and He Has a Baby Now (Probably) 🍼🇺🇸 That’s right, folks.…

YNGWIE MALMSTEEN Roasts His Ex-Singers for Turning His Brand Into a Karaoke Cash Grab
Breaking

YNGWIE MALMSTEEN Roasts His Ex-Singers for Turning His Brand Into a Karaoke Cash Grab

Chord F. DiscordDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

Yngwie Malmsteen Has Had It With These “Hired Vocalists” Who Think They’re Co-Owners of His Brand (Spoiler: They’re Not) 🎸🔥…

James Cameron Is Working on a New Terminator (Please Hold Your Time-Traveling Horses)
Breaking, Movie News

James Cameron Is Working on a New Terminator (Please Hold Your Time-Traveling Horses)

FinnDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Move Over, Arnie: James Cameron Announces New Terminator Movie Without the One Thing That Made Terminator Good — Arnie 🤖💥…

Eyehategod in Charlotte, NC (12/16/2025)
Videos

Eyehategod in Charlotte, NC (12/16/2025)

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 16, 2025

Sludge metal from New Orleans, Louisiana Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 80 81 82 … 175 Next

Latest posts

  • Dolly Parton May Get Nashville Airport Named After Her
  • Iron Maiden Announces 2026 North American Tour Ticket Availability
  • Billie Eilish Introduces New Fragrance Socialism’ On Sale Now For $72,000
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump warned you about this moment
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Trump-backed Sen Darline Graham wins South Carolina primary

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.