Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Metallica

MÖTLEY CRÜE somehow still relevant on Spotify
Breaking, Music News

MÖTLEY CRÜE somehow still relevant on Spotify

Chord F. DiscordOctober 1, 2026October 1, 2026

Oh boy, are you ready for some utterly unsurprising news? 🤯 MÖTLEY CRÜE’s “Kickstart My Heart” has officially surpassed one…

Danny Worsnop rerecords song nobody asked for again
Breaking, Music News

Danny Worsnop rerecords song nobody asked for again

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 29, 2026September 29, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some country-rock goodness? 🤠 Because I’m definitely not, but here we are. Danny…

Ozzy Still Alive Somehow In New Sabbath Concert Film
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy Still Alive Somehow In New Sabbath Concert Film

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 24, 2026September 24, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤯 I mean, I’m not sure if I’m ready, but…

KING DIAMOND blesses us with 3 whole songs on a picture disc because you clearly needed more overpriced merch
Breaking, Music News

KING DIAMOND blesses us with 3 whole songs on a picture disc because you clearly needed more overpriced merch

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 24, 2026September 24, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some spine-tingling news? 🎃 KING DIAMOND’s “Halloween” picture disc is being re-released, because,…

Burton C Bell still talking somehow
Breaking, Music News

Burton C Bell still talking somehow

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 11, 2026September 11, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some super exclusive, totally-not-a-concert, spoken-word experience with Burton C. Bell? 🤔 I mean,…

FORBIDDEN still exists somehow and has new music
Breaking, Music News

FORBIDDEN still exists somehow and has new music

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 9, 2026September 9, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some thrash metal nostalgia? 🤘 Because FORBIDDEN is back with a brand new,…

KISS Drama Never Ends Because You People Can’t Get Enough
Breaking, Music News

KISS Drama Never Ends Because You People Can’t Get Enough

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 8, 2026September 8, 2026

Oh no, the drama never ends! 🤯 KISS bassist Gene Simmons is spilling all the tea about his former bandmates,…

KISS Dynasty Spawns New Band Because You Clearly Needed More Simmons In Your Life
Breaking, Music News

KISS Dynasty Spawns New Band Because You Clearly Needed More Simmons In Your Life

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 5, 2026September 5, 2026

I just found out that Evan Stanley and Nick Simmons, the sons of KISS legends Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons,…

Brann Dailor wastes everyone’s time explaining Mastodon album title again
Breaking, Music News

Brann Dailor wastes everyone’s time explaining Mastodon album title again

Chord F. DiscordAugust 29, 2026August 29, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some feels? 🤯 MASTODON’s Brann Dailor just opened up about the title of…

Pantera gets to open for Metallica because legacy acts need paychecks too
Breaking, Music News

Pantera gets to open for Metallica because legacy acts need paychecks too

Chord F. DiscordAugust 27, 2026August 28, 2026

Wow, just what we’ve all been waiting for – more news about PANTERA’s never-ending tour with METALLICA. I mean, who…

Posts pagination

1 2 … 21 Next

Latest posts

  • Coast Guard Somehow Still Searching For That One Missing Plane
  • To Catch a Predator Creates Unlikely Career Opportunities Apparently
  • The Strokes Bring Indie Heaven to NYC with Star Studded Lineup
  • AC/DC and Foo Fighters Bring Rock to MetLife Stadium
  • Tiny Town Relies On Immigrants To Keep Hospital Alive Somehow

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.