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Tag: panic

Chris Hemsworth Teases “More Thor” in MCU, Fans Wonder if He’s Just Thor-ing Around
Thor Won't Hang Up His Hammer Just Yet, Because Apparently He's the MCU's Golden Goose
Breaking, Movie News

Chris Hemsworth Teases “More Thor” in MCU, Fans Wonder if He’s Just Thor-ing Around

FinnFebruary 17, 2026February 17, 2026

Chris Hemsworth has officially signed his soul away to Marvel for “a couple more” appearances as Thor, because why retire…

CYPRESS COLLEGE RADIOLOGIC TECHNOLOGY INFO SESSION: WHERE X-RAYS MEET EXCITEMENT (AND CONFUSION)
Live

CYPRESS COLLEGE RADIOLOGIC TECHNOLOGY INFO SESSION: WHERE X-RAYS MEET EXCITEMENT (AND CONFUSION)

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 16, 2026

Rad Tech Info Session — Because who doesn’t want to learn how to zap people for a living? 🧟‍♂️⚡ 📅…

3 DOORS DOWN Singer BRAD ARNOLD Dies At 47, Fans Panic Because Now They Have To Learn A New Band Name
Breaking, Music News

3 DOORS DOWN Singer BRAD ARNOLD Dies At 47, Fans Panic Because Now They Have To Learn A New Band Name

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 7, 2026February 7, 2026

Well, well, well, looks like the universe decided it had enough of Brad Arnold’s Kryptonite — turns out even Superman…

Finally, a Win for Grim Reaper: Child Deaths Outnumber Birthdays for First Time in 25 Years!
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Finally, a Win for Grim Reaper: Child Deaths Outnumber Birthdays for First Time in 25 Years!

Big ElephantFebruary 6, 2026February 6, 2026

Another Fake Crisis? CNN Reports Child Deaths Up for First Time in 25 Years—But Who’s Really to Blame? In what…

Bomb Cyclone Leaves, Arctic Blast Sticks Around Like That One Friend Who Won’t Take a Hint
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bomb Cyclone Leaves, Arctic Blast Sticks Around Like That One Friend Who Won’t Take a Hint

Big ElephantFebruary 1, 2026February 1, 2026

Fake News Alert: CNN’s Latest Climate Panic Propaganda Once again, the liberal media is trying to scare Americans with their…

Live

Mara McKevitt & Monica Mirabile: Paradise Container – Because Who Needs a Beach When You’ve Got a Box?

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 1, 2026

Paradise Container: Where family drama meets storage wars! 😂📦 Monica Mirabile and Mara McKevitt’s latest brainchild is a performance so…

Live

Brainy Neuroscientist and Mystery Partner Team Up for a Wild Salon Session

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 1, 2026

**Harnessing the Power of Good Anxiety with Wendy Suzuki, PhD** Oh, great! Another event telling us anxiety is a “superpower.”…

Another Freakin’ Minnesota Shooting Just Turned the Immigration Debate Into a Total Dumpster Fire
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Another Freakin’ Minnesota Shooting Just Turned the Immigration Debate Into a Total Dumpster Fire

Big ElephantJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening: The Deep State and Fake News Media are once…

The Winter Apocalypse Is Here To Ruin Your Life With Annoying Cold, Slippery Doom Roads, and That White Crap Everywhere
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

The Winter Apocalypse Is Here To Ruin Your Life With Annoying Cold, Slippery Doom Roads, and That White Crap Everywhere

Big ElephantJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

LIBERAL SNFLAKES MELTDOWN: President Trump’s Perfect Winter Weather Exposes Climate Cult’s Hilarious Hypocrisy! Well, folks, the radical left is in…

Legendary Extreme Metal Drummer NICK BARKER: ‘I Hope To Get A New Kidney Sometime Later This Year, And Maybe A New Cymbal’
Breaking, Music News

Legendary Extreme Metal Drummer NICK BARKER: ‘I Hope To Get A New Kidney Sometime Later This Year, And Maybe A New Cymbal’

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 24, 2026January 24, 2026

Brace yourselves, drumming degenerates, because the metal beat-keeper himself, Nick Barker, is currently locked in a death match with his…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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