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Tag: Sylvester Stallone

Because What The World Really Needed Was Another Rocky Thing
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Really Needed Was Another Rocky Thing

FinnJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

The Rocky saga appears to have finally come to an end, or so we thought. With Sylvester Stallone now 80…

Anthony Ippolito Channels Sylvester Stallone In I Play Rocky Teaser
Live

Anthony Ippolito Channels Sylvester Stallone In I Play Rocky Teaser

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 15, 2026

Peter Farrelly’s upcoming film I Play Rocky tells the true story of Sylvester Stallone’s struggle not only to get his…

“War of the Worlds” Gets Roasted as Year’s Cinematic Dumpster Fire
Breaking, Movie News

“War of the Worlds” Gets Roasted as Year’s Cinematic Dumpster Fire

FinnMarch 14, 2026March 14, 2026

Hold on to your popcorn, folks, because the 2026 Golden Raspberry Awards just dropped, and the cinematic dumpster fire of…

The Nominees For the Worst Movie of the Year Are Here and honestly who cares
Breaking, Movie News

The Nominees For the Worst Movie of the Year Are Here and honestly who cares

FinnJanuary 21, 2026January 21, 2026

🚨 THE RAZZIE NOMINEES ARE HERE! 🚨 Cinephiles, grab your barf bags and prepare for a cinematic journey so terrible,…

CNN Discovers Trump’s SHOCKING Kennedy Center Makeover: You Won’t BELIEVE What He Did
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Discovers Trump’s SHOCKING Kennedy Center Makeover: You Won’t BELIEVE What He Did

Big ElephantDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

Well, folks, looks like CNN is at it again, whining about President Trump making the Kennedy Center GREAT AGAIN! Apparently,…

Dreddful News: Taika Watiti’s Making Another Movie (Pray It’s Not Another Ragnarok)
Breaking, Movie News

Dreddful News: Taika Watiti’s Making Another Movie (Pray It’s Not Another Ragnarok)

FinnJuly 18, 2025July 18, 2025

Oh, great, 🙄 Taika Waititi, the guy who admitted he only did Thor: Ragnarok because he was broke 🤣 and…

Rambo: First Blood… Donor? Millennium Milks the Cash Cow Again
Breaking

Rambo: First Blood… Donor? Millennium Milks the Cash Cow Again

FinnMay 19, 2025May 20, 2025

OH. MY. GOD. 🙄 Another prequel? Because Hollywood is just *bursting* with original ideas, right? Rambo’s origin story? I’m sure…

Hollywood Reboots Rambo: A Black Vietnam Veteran Takes Center Stage!
Rambo Returns: A New Face and a Different Hu
Movie News

Hollywood Reboots Rambo: A Black Vietnam Veteran Takes Center Stage!

FinnMay 16, 2025May 17, 2025

Millennium Media has officially announced the development of John Rambo, a prequel to the classic First Blood. Set during the…

Michael B. Jordan’s Cinematic Masterpieces: Prepare to Have Your Expectations Mildly Exceeded! 🙄🎬
Breaking

Michael B. Jordan’s Cinematic Masterpieces: Prepare to Have Your Expectations Mildly Exceeded! 🙄🎬

FinnMay 11, 2025May 11, 2025

OMG! Michael B. Jordan, or as I like to call him, “MBJ,” is gracing us with his presence in a…

😱 From Bra Hero to Sofa Avenger: Jason Statham’s Wackiest Roles Yet! 🏚
🎥 Jason Statham as a Dumpling? Upcoming «Arthouse» Films Redefine Absurdity! 🍣
Movie News

😱 From Bra Hero to Sofa Avenger: Jason Statham’s Wackiest Roles Yet! 🏚

FinnJanuary 10, 2025January 10, 2025

Jason Statham, the action movie veteran and human embodiment of clenched jaws, has always thrilled us with his fearless stunts,…

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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