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Events

“Save the Planet One Latte at a Time: Ambiente y Cafe X Mas Vida Market”

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 7, 2026

**Ambiente Y Cafe x Mas Vida Market is coming to OC! Expect: DJ’s, Cafecito, Chelas, Vendors Y MAS!** Ambiente y…

Local Ohio Man Adds ‘Death Threats’ to His Resume, Because Why Not in Today’s Political Circus?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Local Ohio Man Adds ‘Death Threats’ to His Resume, Because Why Not in Today’s Political Circus?

Big ElephantFebruary 7, 2026February 7, 2026

Deep State Stooge Arrested for Threatening America’s Greatest Vice President Yet another unhinged leftist has been caught plotting against one…

Baldur’s Gate 3: Because Apparently Turning a Game Into a Show Is the Only Way to Make Players Stop Arguing About Romance Options
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

Baldur’s Gate 3: Because Apparently Turning a Game Into a Show Is the Only Way to Make Players Stop Arguing About Romance Options

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 6, 2026February 6, 2026

Oh look, another video game is being adapted into a TV show because apparently we don’t have enough of those…

AMD Leaks 2027 Xbox Launch, Giving Us 3 Years to Argue About Frame Rates Again
Breaking, Games News

AMD Leaks 2027 Xbox Launch, Giving Us 3 Years to Argue About Frame Rates Again

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 4, 2026February 4, 2026

The Next-Gen Xbox Could Launch In 2027 According To AMD—Because Who Needs Sleep Anyway? Oh, look! Another earnings call has…

BLAZE BAYLEY Refuses To Sign Your Stupid Autograph Because You’re Not Worthy Enough To Meet Him
Breaking, Music News

BLAZE BAYLEY Refuses To Sign Your Stupid Autograph Because You’re Not Worthy Enough To Meet Him

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 3, 2026February 3, 2026

Blaze Bayley, the man who once fronted Iron Maiden when Bruce Dickinson was busy being a pilot, has decided to…

“Kpop Demon Hunters” Launches Cereal So You Can Eat Your Idols’ Souls for Breakfast
Breaking, Movie News

“Kpop Demon Hunters” Launches Cereal So You Can Eat Your Idols’ Souls for Breakfast

FinnFebruary 2, 2026February 2, 2026

Brace yourselves, cereal enthusiasts and K-pop stans, because the world is about to get drenched in a tidal wave of Kpop…

Events

AFTON HOURS: Afton’s 35th Birthday — She’s Officially Over the Hill!

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 2, 2026

🎉 AFTON HOURS: The Party Where You Meet Afton After You Already Arrived! 🎉 Celebrate Afton’s 35th Birthday with DJs…

Events

DJ SPINNA’s B-DAY Bash: Where the Party’s So Lit, Even the Guest DJ Needs a GPS to Find the Dance Floor!

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 1, 2026

🚨Attention Brooklyn! DJ SPINNA’s Birthday Bash Rescheduled!🚨 Because who doesn’t want to celebrate a DJ’s birthday on Super Bowl Sunday?…

Avengers: Doomsday – Which D-List Cameo Will Disney+ Drag Out of Retirement This Time
Breaking, Movie News

Avengers: Doomsday – Which D-List Cameo Will Disney+ Drag Out of Retirement This Time

FinnJanuary 27, 2026January 27, 2026

Hold onto your spandex, folks! The “Avengers: Doomsday” cast list has ballooned to 27✨✨✨✨names—roughly the population of a small moon…

Gun Rights Folks and Lawyers Wonder If Trump Even Knows What the Second Amendment Is Anymore After Latest Shooting
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Gun Rights Folks and Lawyers Wonder If Trump Even Knows What the Second Amendment Is Anymore After Latest Shooting

Big ElephantJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

ALERT: RINOS AND DEEP STATE AGENTS IN THE FBI AND DOJ ARE TURNING ON TRUMP AND THE SECOND AMENDMENT! They’re…

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Latest posts

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  • Nicole Lehmann ist offensichtlich total besessen von KI
  • Megan Follows Totally Not an Impersonator Speaking at LM Montgomery Institute on June 27 2026
  • WARRANT’s ERIK TURNER Totally Not Embarrassed That ‘Cherry Pie’ Is Now Associated with Horny College Kids Instead of Just Horny Old People

Editorial
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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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