IN FLAMES Hires Some Dude Named JON RICE to Bang on Stuff for Euro Trip 2025 (LOL)
IN FLAMES, those Swedish purveyors of… something… have apparently decided their drum stool needed a new occupant, so they’ve conscripted…
Author: Chord F. Discord
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages."
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Ozzy promises to give 120% at his final concert, which is only 20% more than medically possible
So, apparently, Ozzy Osbourne, that bat-biting legend (or should we say, legend in his own mind? 🤔), is planning a…
Progressive Rock Bands to Invade Cruise Ship in 2026: Prepare for the Nerdiest Vacation Ever
Ahoy, Prog-Rock Losers! 🛳️ Get ready to drain your trust funds and max out your credit cards because Cruise To…
Paradise Lost Dumps Drummer, World Weeps (Not Really)
PARADISE LOST, those lovable British pioneers of moping around in graveyards, have apparently fired their drummer of the past two…
CYNIC Loses Drummer (Again!), Replaces Him With Some Other Dude
So, CYNIC, those progressive metal pioneers (allegedly), have kicked Matt Lynch to the curb 🗑️. Apparently, Michel Bélanger from GORGUTS…
SOULFLY Hires Some Dude from WARBRINGER to Pluck Thumbs on European Vacation in 2025
SOULFLY, in a move that can only be described as either genius or a sign of the impending apocalypse, has…
PSYCROPTIC, the Band You’ve Never Heard Of, Joins METAL BLADE, Releases a Song That Sounds Just Like All Their Other Ones
Metal Blade Records, a label known for its impeccable taste (citation needed), has apparently signed Tasmanian death metal band PSYCROPTIC.…
Dave Mustaine’s Delusional Rant: I Basically Invented Metallica, You’re Welcome
So, Dave Mustaine, bless his pointy-guitar-loving heart, did another interview. This time, with some ex-Navy SEAL/CIA dude, because, you know,…
MINISTRY Drops New Single ‘I’ll Do Anything For You’ – Are They Finally Covering a Bryan Adams Classic? (Spoiler: No)
Al Jourgensen rocking heart-shaped sunglasses, pigtails, and a shirt proclaiming “I’m Adorable”? 🤣 Yeah, you didn’t misread that. Apparently, someone…
Metallica’s Black Album Goes 20x Platinum While ‘Master Of Puppets’ Still Stuck in the 80s
OMG! 😱 You won’t BELIEVE this! METALLICA, yes, THOSE guys, have actually managed to sell some records! 💿💿 Apparently, two…