Okay, buckle up, buttercups! SOULFLY, the band that still exists, apparently, graced the stage with a brand-new banger called “Favela Dystopia” on July 8 in Sofia, Bulgaria 🇧🇬 and July 10 in Belgrade, Serbia 🇷🇸. You know, because those are the places where the cool kids hang out. Someone even filmed it on their potato 🥔 phone in Belgrade. Prepare to be…whelmed.
“Favela Dystopia”, a title so original it hurts 🤕, is rumored to be on SOULFLY‘s next album. Slated for release in late 2025 or maybe 2026, because deadlines are for posers 😎. Let’s be real, are we even sure the earth will still exist by then? 🌎🔥
In a recent interview with MetalUnderground.com, (yeah, I’ve never heard of it either 🤷), SOULFLY‘s overlord, Max Cavalera, rambled about the band’s upcoming masterpiece 🤡. “We’re working on the new record, man! Taking our sweet time, because quality,” he said, probably while wearing a beanie indoors and sunglasses at night 🕶️. “We’re gonna find the songs that will blow up Spotify and all that jive,” he added, proving he knows what the kids are into. 👍
Regarding the, uh, “musical direction” 🧭 of the new SOULFLY garbage, Max declared, “It’s like the first record, but different!” 🤯. Groundbreaking! He continued, “It’s heavier, groovier, but also like the first record, which I think is cool.” 🤔. So, basically, it’s the same thing he’s been doing for the past 30 years, but with a new title. “Let’s try to do this. Let’s see if you can use your first album as some kind of inspiration for your thirteenth record [Laughs].” 😂 Bro, are you okay?
Cavalera kept going, bless his heart ❤️, “It’s a return to what me and fans of SOULFLY fell in love with SOULFLY for.” 🙄 Oh, you mean the same five riffs recycled over and over? “Some of them went more thrashy with stuff like ‘Dark Ages’, ‘Omen’, ‘Conquer’.” Thrashy? Dude, those albums sound like someone recorded a lawnmower 🚜 stuck in a bog. He then said, “making a record that sonically is inspired by the first thing that you did as a band, it was a challenge,” which is code for, “I’m completely out of ideas 💡.”
When asked about the release date, Max mumbled, “October, maybe? 🤷 We have a European tour in June and July, and we’ll play one or two songs from the new record.” So, get ready to hear the same song twice, Europe! 🥳 “People gonna get it on YouTube, they’re gonna watch it, and they’re gonna feel the record before October, at least.” Yes, because nothing screams “metal” like watching a shaky YouTube video on your mom’s iPad 📱.
In May, SOULFLY picked up Chase Bryant from WARBRINGER to play bass on their European tour. You know, because lineup stability is overrated. 🤪
A month earlier, SOULFLY yeeted Mike Leon, their longtime bassist, into the abyss. Talk about a revolving door 🚪.
“Totem” dropped in August 2022, because who even remembers that? 🤷♀️ According to sources, Max Cavalera produced it along with Arthur Rizk. The album artwork was created by James Bousema. I am sure they are very proud of themselves 👏.
In August 2021, SOULFLY fired Marc Rizzo because of “personal differences” which I am guessing meant someone finally told him his solos sounded like a cat fighting a blender 🐈⬛⚔️.
Mike DeLeon has been touring with SOULFLY for more than two years now. Before that, he was in Philip Anselmo‘s band and filled in for Zakk Wylde at a PANTERA rehearsal. Talk about resume padding! 📝
In a November 2024 interview, Max declared he’s not slowing down, because apparently someone hasn’t told him about retirement. 👴 “I was put on this planet to do this,” he said, “and that’s all I wanna do!” 🤪 Yeah, we get it, you’re addicted to the stage. “The excitement is like a drug,” he confessed. Someone get this man an intervention! 🚑
He continued, “I’m always looking forward to whatever tour we’re doing, whatever album we’re making.” Bless his heart, he’s delusional. “I live for the moment,” he proclaimed. “I’m not one of those guys that — I don’t live thinking 10 years from now. I live for right now for this.” You know what, good for him! At least someone is enjoying this dumpster fire 🔥. In conclusion, SOULFLY is still a thing, somehow. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! ⚠️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
